In this weekly column, our anonymous male and female writers honestly answer questions about love, sex, and romance. Say hello to the man and woman of the house, Snowdin and Summer Lovin (respectively).
1.) How can you tell if someone is flirting with you via technology (social media, texts, etc.)?
Snowdin: I don’t know if this is a shortcoming of my gender or simply one of my few weaknesses (quite possibly my only one actually), but I tend to be unable to accurately decipher flirting online or in person. I’ve heard it said that emoticons mean flirting, but I’m a prolific user of emoticons so I can’t say it should be used as a rule. Sometimes you just need a winky face to communicate that what you’re saying is a joke and not an backhanded insult. That being said, beware the kissy face! :-*
Summer Lovin: Deciphering emotions through technology is a difficult task. Deciphering flirtation face to face (some of you are hard to read) can be difficult so mixing the two can get sticky. Its important to keep in mind the relationship that you have with the person in question. Now with that in mind, the use of the winky face and kissy face emoticon are popular ways to indicate a flirtatious undertone to a text. Aside from these standard indicators I think that its really all about the relationship you have with the person you are talking with. Everyone is different so it’s hard to state definitive things to look for.
2.) If your significant other is abroad or across the country, how can you keep the romance alive?
Snowdin: I know you’re all expecting me to go with sexting or hot Skype dates, but I’m going to throw you a curveball here. Before you can have romance you have to be able to communicate with your SO. I’m not talking about texting every five minutes or calling three times a day, which your SO, particularly guys, will find suffocating. So how should you communicate? Definitely call and share your lives with each other. Send a meaningful care package at infrequent random intervals. This could be a picture of her favorite flower sent to her phone after the first frost when the only petals left are the ones you’re sending her, a box of his favorite food that you’ve cooked (Snowdin tangent: cooking a meal for someone you care about and knowing that you put time, effort, and love into this culinary wonder that is giving their taste buds immense joy is always an incredible feeling) , or a little picture book of some of your favorite memories together stitched together with quotes, stories, and memories. Now that’s the “romantic” side, but as we all know things shouldn’t always be so platonic, so take a picture that hints at the sexy you he or she loves and tease them with it late at night, call them up in your sexiest voice and describe all the crazy things you want to do to them, or send them some scandalous item that you’ll wear to keep him thinking about your passionate reunion.
Summer Lovin: I’m going to go ahead and base my response off the fact that this relationship has been going on for a while, that way you aren’t working on the initial stages of building it; if your just starting the response would be different (but why would you start a relationship that would already be long distance?). I think any strong relationship is based off of communication and friendship so a simple thing to keep your relationship going would be to talk, whether it be just to update each other on one another’s lives, tell a joke or to express your frustration (sexual or otherwise), you should be talking. Sending gifts (flowers, cookies, mixed tape, pictures- cute things!) is also a lovely thing to do; remind that person that they are on your mind. To get rid of that previously mentioned sexual frustration I think having some more intimate phone conversations, sending pictures (cause that’s all the rage right now), etc. can help you extinguish that burning desire. One last thing- if you can afford/ make time for it I think it would be romantic if you surprise your SO where they are.
3.) Can you be friends with your ex?
Snowdin: Not really. I know it’s the dream of everyone who either breaks up with the “we can still be friends” or hears it through tears and sobs, clinging to the golden hope of friendship and a continued relationship with their now ex. The reality is that both of you have likely shared almost all of yourself with the other person and felt like you knew exactly who they were. When a relationship ends, however, this notion is typically shattered and the fear that you never really knew them will make being friends that much harder. If you can understand that you did really know them, but accepted their shortcomings and trumpeted (Jumbo!) their greatest features, you may be able to find a new middle ground as friends. I don’t know how the stereotypical guy would feel, but as for me I hate burning bridges and always try to maintain friendships whether they be with ex girlfriends or with people I’ve started to grow apart from. If it’s something that you really want and it’s a friendship worth having then it’ll work out. If not, you’re better off anyway.
Summer Lovin: In my fantasy world the answer is yes, provided your ex didn’t wrong you. In the real world I wouldn’t say the answer is a flat out no but I think its unrealistic to think you’re going to be besties with your ex. Whatever caused your breakup will always remain in the back of your minds. I like to think that you can maintain a cordial relationship with anyone you’ve had a falling out with, you don’t necessarily need to be hanging out all the time though. If that’s the type of relationship you’re going for (post-break up), I think both of you need to be mature people.