Dating profiles for Birth Control Methods

The Birth Control Pill Age: 59

Bio: Practical, and straight-forward. Looking for someone to commit, specifically once a day at the same time every day. But if you use me right, I’m 99% effective, and I only want your attention, not your money. We can take a break every month, and that’s when you’ll get your period. Although, happy to stick around and help ya skip that cycle if you want. 

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The Patch

Age: 17

Bio: I want someone who’s PROUD to be seen with me. I love to stay attached at the hip (or arm), but I only need your full attention once a week, and then I can be 99% effective, and reasonably priced.  

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The Shot

Image result for birth control shotAge: 27

Bio: Looking for a casual hookup once every 3 months. Besides that, no need to worry about me. No one even needs to know, and I’ll still be 99% effective. Would like some more expensive dates, but only once in a while. 

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The Condom Image result for condomAge: 3000, maybe older

Bio: I want to be your protector. I can guarantee, I’m the only one her that prevents STDs. And I’m happy to be in an open relationship, you can use me and another method for maximum protection. Use me right, and I’m 98% effective.

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The Implant

Image result for birth control implantAge: 39

Bio: I want to get to know you on the inside. Literally, I will implant myself in your arm. But don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing. I’ll be with you every step of the way for up to 4 years, and protect you more than 99% of the time I won’t cling, or make myself obvious, but you can always check that I’m still there. Preferably someone with insurance, with that I’m usually free!

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Image result for iud

Age: 59

Bio: I come in many different personalities, but we all are super effective (more than 99%)  for anywhere from 3 to 12 years. I might hurt going in, but after that I want you to even forget I’m there. I’m pretty easy to find with health insurance, but if not, I still only want my expensive date once every few years, so no need to spend money on me more than once. 

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