As of now, most people have finally settled into their jail cell dorm rooms filled with hespbestous galore. You get the butterflies in your stomach as you pull up to the beautiful land of preppy chubbies and those Lilly Pulitzer skirts you missed so much. You analyze every person you haven’t spoken to for those long, dreadful, horrendous summer months at your beautiful summer home where everything is handed to you. My God, the horror that summer must have been. But you’re handing in your Nantucket Reds for your Trinity blue’s because, ladies and gents, it’s back to school time.
Prior to move-in day: your thoughts are outta control to say the least. Remember that loser you used to hook up with? You are, like, so much better than him now. These summer months have been incredible to you and you’re basically an entirely different person. Ugh and that girl who would NOT stop giving you passive aggressive but kind of openly aggressive trouble throughout the year? Yeah, she’s gonna wish she were you because like you said before, you’re basically an entirely different person. The first night of school you’re going to get blackout with your besties and every guy is gonna be like “omg she’s so hot now look at her go!” You’re gonna get straight A’s, all of your professors are going to love you, and everyone and their moms want to just BE you.
Post move-in day: What in the hell is wrong with me? Why did I makeout with my ex? And that total bitch, she’s still such a bitch! I mean, yeah, I totally started the fight with her but like did she HAVE to continue it? Oh my God, I have like four papers due and don’t know how to get out of my summer slump fast enough to read an entire book let alone a single chapter of it. I can’t breath. Mom? Dad? Can you pick me up? I’m scared.
Okay, so that didn’t go exactly as planned. But don’t worry, because guess what? You’re not a freshman on move-in day who has severe mixed feelings about whether they should cling to their parents for dear life out of fear for having to make new friends, or to run away from them so you look cool and “totally independent.” And hey! Lucky you, because guys totally have the same anxiety as you! Right? Wrong. Offensively wrong. While you’re packed and ready to go back to school with all of your DIY supplies prepared from Michaels and Pinterest three weeks prior to move-in day, guys don’t realize they need to pack until the night before. I know, I need an inhaler too just thinking about that. They don’t even get “super pumped” to go back to school unless someone brings it up for them. All of their expectations truly are their reality because they don’t spend their tanning-time undergoing a serious of highly unlikely events over and over in their head until they’re imagining themselves just transferring schools and starting anew.