By Adi Arbell
When searching for your future partner, there are always trials and tribulations. The only way to navigate romantic relationships and find true love is through learning and experiencing different friendships. Look at the friends around you. Do you love them? Would you do anything for them? I firmly believe that if you are someone who has good and strong friendships, you are ultimately a good person—at least to some people.
In college, it is so important to have strong platonic relationships, with all of the stress and turmoil that classes, extracurriculars, and situationships bring, your girls (gays, guys, theys) should be the people you go to to just be. I’m afraid that after college, it will be harder to maintain friendships. I also feel like it is common that once you get into a relationship, you stop hanging out with your friends. We’re going to dive into the importance of having and maintaining friendships in college and how that will help us in the future, even in our romantic relationships.
- You can tell a lot about a person by who their friends are
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” – John Rum
Looking back on the friends I used to have and how I would feel about myself when I was in those friendships, I realized that the people closest to you are a reflection of who you are and how you show up in the world, or at least they become it. I learned this from a young age. In high school, my two best friends suffered from depression and participated in self-harm. After spending enough time together, I began to have little to no motivation for school and any sports or clubs I was in. Unfortunately, it got to a point that I had to either stop being friends with them or see the same fate. Through that experience, I learned just how important the people you surround yourself with are.
(Not to diminish the experience of those suffering from mental illness, just my personal encounter)
- Friendships are the practice test for relationships
Over time, I learned that how you show up as a friend is equal to how you show up as a partner. They say your partner should be your best friend, so why is it so hard for some people to have friends but not a bf/gf? During my senior year of high school, I got close to my now best friend, Raquel. We had many deep conversations about life, the world, politics, and our views and opinions. We come from different backgrounds but we always enjoyed each other’s company and a good treat. Sometimes we would have a disagreement or difference in opinion, we approached those harder conversations with understanding and compassion. Constructive criticism was hard to digest at first, but it made our connection that much deeper. I knew that what was being said was coming from a place of love and wanting to see the person grow, not deflection or passive aggressiveness. As the years have gone by, our friendship is my blueprint for what I expect in open or deep conversations with friends or s/o’s.
- I know love because of my friends
My first time saying I love you to someone who wasn’t a part of my family was to my best friend in kindergarten. As time went on, when a friend says “I love you” for the first time, it still means a lot. Having a close friendship with someone means you have someone you can be yourself around, purely because you want to be with that person, not because one of you gets something out of it; to some people, that might be more personal than romance. My group of girls doesn’t owe me anything, yet I find myself going on nice dates, nights out, and cross-country vacations with them before I’ll ever do that with my future s/o.
- Who else can clock your tea and braid your hair all in the same breath?
I was watching a movie with my bestie, and she was giving me French braids. The girl in the movie was clearly getting played, and I called it out. “That used to be you, girl, you can’t judge,” she says. Damn, she clocked me. Snarky remarks like that used to be grounds for an argument or taking offense, but coming from her, I know that she would never say something like that to hurt my feelings or provoke me. We can bitch at each other without worrying about hurting each other’s feelings. Constructive criticism isn’t only good to practice at work but also in your regular day-to-day life; this way we can work on becoming better people who uplift and help each other.
- Having friends is good for you
According to the Mayo Clinic, having friends is literally beneficial to your physical and mental health. Here are a few reasons listed in the research: “[Having friends helps] raise your sense of connection, belonging and purpose, boost your happiness and lower your stress, and improve your self-confidence and feelings of self-worth.” The research even goes as far as to say that those with active social lives live longer and healthier lives.
I wanted to ask how others felt about their friendships and how they compare them to their romantic relationships.
Starting with a quote from the famous Michelle Obama
“When you have your girlfriends (love Barack), but they’re your sanity, those girls, we get each other” – MO
“Friendship is a safe space, no matter where you might be, you always have people you can fall back on, people you can rant to, and people you can share your best and worst moments in life with” – H
“Friendship to me is more than that, it’s sisterhood.” – G
“It’s important knowing that you can always have that one person to go to with anything, that’s not romantic, and you’re always there for them, no matter what.” – P
“When you have good friends, it’s hard to find that similar experience with another person, romantically, you know what love looks and feels like because of your girls, I will never take that for granted.” – Y
As we continue to move through college, the friends we keep around help make our entire college experience. As we become adults and enter the real world, our friends are there to help us learn, grow, and create. I can’t wait to continue experiencing life with my girls and becoming better people and partners together.