A pre-teen girl just wanted to lose a couple of pounds before starting high school, six years later and a college sophomore, Jenna shares her struggle with an eating disorder.
It started as just a little diet. A young teenage girl, anxious about the beginning of high school, decided to go on a diet just to lose a couple of pounds. But soon, between family problems, big changes, and other major stressors, Jenna* spiraled out of control. Jenna’s “little” diet turned into a full blown eating disorder, losing a shocking 30 pounds from an already small frame, in the course of about a month and a half.
Jenna sought professional help, but the disorder only worsened.
“Through recovery, they want you to keep eating and eating,” Jenna explained. “I started bingeing and purging and using laxatives. I got very sick, especially if I didn’t take the pills.”
At that point, it got harder and harder for Jenna to break the cycle.
“At some point it stops being about losing weight and more about control,” said Jenna. “Everyone thinks you can just stop, but then you realize you no longer have control. You feel like you have to throw up.”
The cycle continued, with periods of remission, for nearly six years. Jenna says, “It starts with the way you look and then it becomes about control. You feel like you are sucked into a hole, relying on your control to give you some justification for living, confidence, and so on.”
Jenna, who is now a 20-year-old sophomore in college, has been free of the disorder for about eight months. However, she feels as though it is something that will never go away and always stay with her.
“I like to say that I’m in remission because I feel like it is something that will always be with me,” she says. “I’ve been living with the disorder for six years, with periods of remission. I think this is the end though. I used to become better physically for a period, but I was not emotionally better. It took six years to resort to something else besides food to comfort or control me. I’ve found other ways to cope.”
The road to recovery hasn’t been easy. Jenna struggled throughout high school, at times she had to be hospitalized for the disorder. She was doing well, until she went to college.
“When I went to college I met my roommate, Carrie*, who also happened to have an eating disorder,” Jenna said. “We both influenced each other negatively. We each lost 15 pounds this past spring. I didn’t want to do it anymore, but she would try to encourage me. She called the eating disorder one of her friends. She’s still sick and she doesn’t want to get better.”
It wasn’t until this past summer that Jenna had a breakthrough which changed her life.
“This past summer I was at a party and I made myself sick…really sick,” she says. “I was almost hospitalized and I didn’t have the physical strength to do my job. When I came home from work, my parents surprised me with a dog and I know this sounds silly, but he gave me something to live for. It wasn’t just the dog though; I was told that if I kept doing what I was doing, I might have to go on dialysis for my kidneys. I didn’t want to be dependent on drugs for the rest of my life. I knew I had to stop.”
Since that day last summer, Jenna has been in remission.
“I don’t want people to think this is a disease about attention or being vain,” Jenna said. “It’s more about coping with the things you can’t control. Eating disorders aren’t portrayed in the media right. They are not glamorous, the physical health issues are more severe than people realize.”
Luckily for Jenna, she has a strong support system of friends to rely on.
One of Jenna’s friends, Emma*, a 19-year-old sophomore in college, is no stranger to eating disorders since she has multiple friends struggling with the disorder.
“It’s tough to see people who are smaller than you that are struggling with their body image,” Emma says. “It makes you wonder how they look at you and how you should look at yourself. It takes a large amount of self-esteem and self assurance to be happy with yourself. We are all so young and vulnerable–I’m not surprised so many girls have eating disorders.”
So how does Emma deal with her many friends struggling with the disorder?
“I think friends should refrain from making any sort of food or eating related comments if they think their friend is on the edge,” Emma said. “Like ‘I can’t believe you ate that whole burger’ or ‘that looks so greasy.’ I don’t think it always helps, it just makes that person think about food even more and they already think about it too much. If you’re going to approach someone, do it outside the context of food.”
And most importantly she adds, “Tell them that you love them and you’re there for them!”
Both Emma and Jenna have opinions on what should be done to educate people about eating disorders.
“I’m not sure talking about it more freely will solve the problem,” Emma said. “I know for me personally, that before it was explained and taught to me, I never considered it. My mind would never toy with the idea [of having an eating disorder.] When you’re growing up, you may think, ‘Hey, those anorexics skip a lot of meals and get thin. I won’t be as bad at them and just skip this one meal. No big deal!’”
Jenna adds that she doesn’t think professional help is always the answer.
“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves,” Jenna said. “Health centers can be very strict, and bring up a lot of old problems. They are all about procedure, procedure, procedure.”
Jenna thinks more positive body image in the curriculum in young girls education would be a start.
“I think there should be more emphasis on loving yourself,” she says.
Emma agrees and says that teaching young girls who are vulnerable and susceptible to eating disorders is like, “Putting a gun in the hands of a suicidal person.”
Emma thinks there is no harm in seeking professional help if you have an eating disorder.
“I think having an eating disorder gives off an negative connotation. That’s why people are so afraid to get help,” Emma said. “I have never encountered a person who was proud. Everyone who acknowledges that they have an eating disorder is ashamed, but it’s their coping mechanism. It isn’t always about body image, it can be about seizing control. I see no harm in talking to a professional, everyone can benefit from therapy.”
Emma and Jenna agree that confidence, self-esteem, and loving yourself are necessary to beat an eating disorder.
If you or anyone you know are struggling with an eating disorder, there are many on-campus resources. The counseling center offers free eating disorder screening and support. Dowell Health Center provides eating disorder physicals. Area hospitals, such as nearby Sheppard Pratt and Johns Hopkins, also offer treatment.
*Names have been changed
http://www.towson.edu/counseling/resources/eating.asp
http://www.eatingdisorder.org/
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/eating_disorders/