By Adi Arbell
I think my approach to dating in college is all wrong. This whole time, I have been searching for someone to start a relationship with, but after countless dates, situationships, and failed talking stages, I’m over it. I thought I would find my college sweetheart and start something new, but time and time again, I have found myself hurt and confused over someone who wants to engage in all the physical aspects of a relationship, except for the commitment part. I’m going to find out if college is the best or worst time to get into a relationship, and I’m going to ask if most college girls relate to my experience or if I’m the problem, LOL.
I transferred to Towson last Spring, and upon arriving, I saw all the possibilities for all the hotties I would let ruin my life. Fortunately, and unfortunately, everyone at this school is so damn fine (that’s definitely not why I transferred here). I wasn’t always looking for a relationship, but the nights were getting long, and it’s getting hard to be a socially active, athletic, productive girl without wanting to share that with another person.
It seems like everyone, and their mother is cuffed. I walk around campus and all I see are couples holding hands, sharing meals, and embracing each other, so obviously, there are people my age who can get it together; why can’t I?
This pressure to find the one isn’t something unusual; it’s baked into how we were raised. As women, we are taught from a young age that one day we will be wives, mothers, and caretakers. Many of my early childhood memories involve playing house when my friends and I would pretend to be middle-aged women who had to feed and care for the kids and spouses. As a society, we perpetuate the idea that our perfect person will come along and complete us; phrases like “the one,” “other half,” etc., are detrimental to the development of the independent woman. For many of us, we feel pressure from friends and family to find this “perfect person,” and that, in turn, makes us think that we are not whole ourselves.
College is labeled as “the best time of your life” by many. At this time, we are the hottest, most social, and most available we may ever be. When it comes to relationships in college, the opportunities are endless. It’s not just boyfriend/ girlfriend anymore; nowadays, we have talking stages, situationships, friends with benefits, and so many more labels for not wanting to fully commit to someone. Why does everyone approach relationships in college so differently? Why do some people date for marriage while others rack up their body count every weekend? Without too much judgment, we’re going to dive into the reason why us college girls feel like now is the best or worst time to be in a relationship.
Let’s look at the pros and cons of dating in college.
Pros: Dating in college creates an opportunity to grow and mature emotionally, and I feel like practicing communication, trust, and vulnerability teaches us valuable skills for personal and future relationships. These experiences show up as long-term stability in relationships and also as individuals, showing us that we are capable of having deep emotional connections while juggling all of life’s responsibilities. Not only is it nice to feel desired, but because of the honest and open nature of relationships, we feel more confident as we work towards becoming better versions of ourselves.
OK, back to reality. Dating in college is way harder than it seems. Let’s take a look at the cons of dating in college.
Cons: You might not get the full college experience. One of the most exciting parts of college is all of the possibilities for relationships you find yourself in, whether good or bad. The stories that come from doing solely what you want to do make for great memories to look back on. It can also be difficult to balance school, extracurriculars, work, and a committed relationship; this often shows up as a hurdle in relationships since both parties have responsibilities that make it hard to spend so much time together. Also, being broke college students can make it difficult when that check comes on date night.
I want to see if I’m alone in this, or if every girl is just as confused as I am. I’m going to ask a mix of single and committed girlies, “Is college the best or worst time to get into a relationship?”
“I feel like college is the time to discover yourself, not be tied down to some guy you’re going to let ruin your life.” – H
“Being in a relationship might be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I remember before I started dating my boyfriend, I couldn’t stand the idea of one-night stands and random hookups” – A
“I want to say that college is a good time to find love, but so far, I haven’t found anyone who would make that statement true.” – L
“I think personally, it is the best time because when I was living at home, I couldn’t bring any partners over, so now I can actually spend time with them and do relationship stuff.” – G “I like radical dating; how else would I get free dinner every week?” – M
“I don’t really know, if it happens, it happens, but there shouldn’t be so much pressure to find someone; we still have our whole lives to find that person.” – E
After hearing about what each TU girl has to say, I think it’s safe to say that whatever decision you make, there will be pros and cons. Is there ever really a “good time” to start anything? Maybe not, but whatever we learn along the way makes for great lore to look back on. If there is ever a time to discover what it is you want, it’s now.