By Adi Arbell
I feel like hookup culture is more mainstream than dating culture, at least in college. Words like “fineshyt”, “roster”, and “huzz” have been heard more in the CLA halls than “girlfriend” or “relationship”. There’s nothing Gen Z loves more than a label to excuse their actions. When juggling all of life’s responsibilities, the last thing you want to worry about is another person’s feelings. Saying you’re looking for something casual is the perfect cover-up for being emotionally unavailable, and casual dating just seems like a politically correct way of saying you’re f*cking around.Â
I promise you, your definition of casual is different from the next person’s. When you’re trying to find your future boyfriend/ girlfriend, the dating pool can sometimes feel more like a swamp. My idea of casual dating would be described as a person going on dates, chatting with, and getting to know multiple people. This is the optimal way to find a connection and a possible relationship, maximizing all your options through radical “casual” dating.Â
There is nothing wrong with checking out all your options. For my single friends and me, we only have so many places we can meet someone. In today’s world, online dating is the quickest way to find someone you might be interested in; most apps ask users to list what they are looking for. For example, Hinge offers a wide variety of options to put on your profile. In the relationship type section, your options are “Short term, Open to long.” “Long term, Open to short” “monogamous” “non-monagamous” or everyone’s favorite “Still figuring it out”. These
relationship types are clearly listed so users know what they’re getting into, but are we all being honest about what we’re looking for? I’m curious about how many college girls are victims of the “casual” dating epidemic, so I asked around.Â
“How do you define casual dating?,” I asked different Towson girls.Â
“You’re dating exclusively, but you’re dating to pass the time, not for marriage.” – S
“Going on dates with no expectation.” – NÂ
“I would say casual dating is going on dates. and seeing where things go, seeing if there is a connection.” – BÂ
“Have gone on three or more dates” – TÂ
“Only if you meet them in real life. Online doesn’t count.” – GÂ
“Almost the same thing as dating, just not as much consistency, I feel like people can define it as dating a lot of people.” – PÂ
After asking around, it became apparent that no one has the same definition of the term. In the wise words of Chappell Roan, “Knee deep in your passenger seat while you’re eating me out, is it casual now?”. This line is the perfect depiction of the difference between saying you’re looking for something casual and actually being casual. The definition and the act do not coexist.Â
How can sex be casual? In my opinion, there is nothing casual about sex, but the confusion and miscommunication that comes from labelling things as “casual” comes from a deeper issue. In college, everything is backwards. Hookups and rosters are normal, whereas dating and feelings are rare or even cringe. Hookup culture affects us all, whether we like it or not. Is hookup culture empowering? Or is it making us even more disconnected? College hookup culture romanticizes detachment; everything is temporary. Your classes, jobs, and relationships are constantly changing, so how do we stop ourselves from getting lonely in the process?Â
Through this perspective, casual dating might just be seen as loneliness disguised as empowerment, and unfulfilling relationships are easier to digest than loving and caring relationships, because all relationships inevitably end, and who knows that better than your average college girl? Casual relationships are helpful because college is the best time to learn what we do and don’t like in dating, sex, and relationships, but if college teaches us to detach, do we ever unlearn it? “Casual” might be our generation’s favorite label, but labels don’t protect us from loneliness; they just make it easier to hide behind it.