Hi Andi!
I am a sophomore in college and have never had a boyfriend. I feel like this is a BIG problem because when I am out of college I’m scared I will be too far behind in the dating world to get anywhere.
My family and friends have been telling me for years now that I have to get a boyfriend and I have to start dating. Although I love watching romantic comedies and living vicariously through the TV show, “The Bachelor”, I just feel really scared to start dating seriously.
I have always been a high-strung perfectionist that gets nervous to start anything new. I’m not sure if it’s the commitment I’m scared of or what…
What can I do to stop my fear and get out there and date?
Thanks,
-Hopeless Romantic
Dear Hopeless Romantic,
While I do think it’s very important to be social with boys and experience the dating world; it is also important to note that it should be when you are ready! Dating can be scary and intimidating: facing rejection, heartbreak, having to reject someone and such can cause anxiety. Being nervous is normal; however, letting your nerves prevent you from dating all together is not. Never let your nerves get the best of you! Chances are you will miss out on many opportunities if you do.
You can date around and mingle; nothing has to be serious unless you want it to be. More often than not, a date won’t lead to a serious relationship. In fact, for every one serious relationship you will have in life, you will probably have to go through dozens of bad, or not so perfect, dates first.
I think the experience with dating is necessary before you enter into a relationship. Have fun; go out with a boy- you both don’t have to be boyfriend and girlfriend. You can just be friends and go out to grab dinner or see a movie. There should be no pressure.
I understand you are a perfectionist; and my words of wisdom to you are this: you don’t have to be perfect, he doesn’t have to be perfect, but you can be a perfect match. Love and close friendships come when you are not worrying about it. If he doesn’t wish to see you again, then he isn’t the guy for you. If you feel bad about not wanting to see him again, don’t; you are probably not the first who didn’t.
You will come across jerks, clingy guys, shy guys, obnoxious guys and every other type. You have to experience a bad date to recognize a perfect one, so even if a date doesn’t go well don’t be discouraged! Use every experience as a lesson. You should lose your fear in knowing that your bachelor is out there and you have to weed out the other guys to find him. If you don’t start dating around you won’t find him! John Wayne once said, “Courage is being scared to death- but saddling up anyway.” It is okay to be scared, but saddle up and I promise it will all be worth it in the end! Relax, have fun, open your mind and your heart!
xoxo Andi