Dear Andi,
I want to get my nose pierced, but my parents will flip! I don’t want anything big or flashy, just a small subtle stud. Any advice?
Sincerely,
-A Parent Nose Best
Dear A Parent Nose Best,
I can tell you care about your parents and what they think by the fact that you are considering them in this decision. As collegiettes, we’re at a transitional stage where we are becoming our own adult selves, but one thing we never grow out of is our need for a parent’s approval. I think the best approach to this is to tell them beforehand.
Spring Break is here, so I am sure you’ll be able to see your parents in person. (If you aren’t, have them download Skype for this!) Start the conversation by letting them know that you value and appreciate their opinion and their approval of you. Thank them for their support and use this as a Segway into your purpose. This pleasant buffer is critical! It lets them see where you are coming from before the conversation even starts and it also braces them for a more serious talk; you’ll get their full attention.
I want this, but my parents will flip!
Let them know that you what you want, how you want it and why you want it. Be specific don’t just say I want my nose pierced; tell them you want a small stud or they may picture the worst nose ring they possibly can. Tell them how you want it: come prepared and do research on different piercing parlors (find a refutable place). This will show them that you have acted maturely and thought it out. This will help you because even if you can’t convince them that nose rings are amazing, you will convince them that you are mature, precautious and rational. Lastly, be prepared to tell them why you want it—because I can guarantee they will ask! It could be as simple as you like the way it draws attention to your face, but whatever your reason is you need to word it carefully.
Also, be prepared to sprinkle your presentation with conditionals. For example, if they are not in approval tell them that you will wear a retainer (a clear plastic bar that is place in the piercing) when you are around them or at professional functions. Another conditional to suggest is that you will wear a faux nose ring for one week without removing it to show them that you will not regret this choice and that it is not an impulsive whim. Just remember that the conditionals are your back up ammo. Do not use them upfront, but use them as negotiation tools and throw them in one at a time when you think it’s needed.
One important thing is to remain cool and calm. If you sense they are leaning towards disapproval or if there is an outright HELL NO vibe—you need to remain calm. The conversation will be over when it’s over, but you can decide if it’s over earlier than it needs to be. By that I mean if they seem to say no at first, continue your conversation until you hit all three points I gave you above. If you storm off, or give them that “It’s MY life, I’M and ADULT!” response, then they will see you as immature and impulsive, and feel that you cannot be trusted to make decisions like this. So remain calm and pleasant and hit all the points and you might be able to reach them.
If they say that they disapprove and you feel that you want to get a nose ring anyways, then you should inform them in a mature way. Tell them that you respect their opinion but you feel differently and that you are making the decision to get the piercing. Do not cross the fine line between disagreement and defiance.
The fact that you took the time to worry about their approval should show them defiance is not in your intentions. So make sure your actions and language show that as well! Good Luck!
Xoxo Andi