Ask Andi: How soon is it to start having sex?

Dear Andi,

I have been talking to this guy for about a month now, and I have been wondering when is too soon to start having sex?


Worth the Wait?

Dear Worth the Wait,

The only time to ever have sex is when you know you are ready. Unfortunately, we worry too much about what society says is right timing. There is no rule of thumb for when it’s time to hook-up with a guy. You need to judge the situation based on all of the factors unique to your relationship, and most importantly, based on how you feel.

Only you can know if you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, and only you can judge whether or not you think he is ready. With this in mind, there are many ways to go about becoming intimate.

If you two are not that intimate right now, I suggest you try other things first before jumping into sex. By this I mean non-intercourse sexual activity. This is a good way for you both to become comfortable with each other in the bedroom. Many times when both males and females have trouble becoming aroused or having orgasm, it’s solely due to a lack of comfort. We worry about how we look, what the other person is thinking, and so on. This prevents us from relaxing and blocks our ability to experience heightened sexual pleasure. By taking baby steps in the bed, you can get to know what he likes and let him know what you like—so when the time comes to have sex, you can make it extra-steamy.

Another important thing you may want to consider is bringing the topic up to him. You don’t need to explicitly ask him about this, but you can try to hint at the topic and see his reaction. You have to consider him in this as well. Just because he’s a guy, doesn’t mean he’s automatically ready to jump in the sack—I know, shocker.

Also you need to know that you can trust this person. Sex doesn’t have to mean anything spiritually special to you, but it is a significant act. It can have many consequences, both positive and negative. Make sure you both understand the significance of sex and that you take every measure to protect yourselves—both emotionally and physically.

Remember to only do it when you know without any doubt that you are ready.

Xoxo Andi