Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo

ASK ANDI: How Comes The Guy I Like Never Texts Me First

Dear Andi,

When I talk to the guy I like, he always seems really interested, and we always have a great time! But then never texts me or seeks me out first. I always have to do all the work. What gives?

The Phone Works Both Ways

Dear The Phone Works Both Ways,

Oh, the classic case of the guy that always sends mixed signals! He is all about you but then leaves you waiting around constantly checking the “time” on your cell phone. And men have the audacity us complicated?!

While modern technology has yet to bring about a solution to the mysteries of the opposite sex, there are still a few maneuvers that you can pull to handle the situation you are in.

All you need is a little change in perspective and/or a little bit of courage.

Everyone wants to feel wanted and nobody wants to feel like a nuisance. You’ve already broken the limiting stigma that many girls place on themselves that a guy oughta text a gal first. And doing your part, it can be frustrating to always be the person who initiates a conversation or a get-together. You might even feel some anxiety as to whether you are bugging him- which is completely natural. This anxiety is probably subsided by the fact that he always seems interested when you talk and that you both have fun together- also normal. What seems to be the problem is the inherent contradiction.

The solution to this is quite simple: that stigma I mentioned earlier needs to be wiped out completely. What I mean by this is there is no rule or law that says who must innate contact and when they must do it. So what if he doesn’t initiate it. Perhaps he is shy, or unaware, or maybe it’s a lame hard-to-get attempt- but never mind the reason. If he answers you and hangs out with you, it is because he wants to do so. If you are bothering him then he would just say something to you, decline your asking to hang out, or just flat out ignore you-but he doesn’t. He is obviously interested in you so you can safely set the worries aside that he never texts you first and just accept it for what it is.

If you can’t quite come to terms with this- then your other option is to bite the bullet and bring it up. Next time your with him or involved in an iMessage rampage, simply say “hope I’m not annoying you cause I am always the one texting you.” You’ll get all the confirmation you need in his response and any guy with half a brain will pick up on the secondary message, that he never texts you.

The bottom line here is that if he wasn’t interested in you then it would make sense why he doesn’t contact you first. But he is interested in you and sometimes great things don’t need make sense. The only way to overcome this obstacle is to recognize his ability to ignore you and trust that he is interested in you- or to get right to the bottom of things and bring your worries up to him.

So yes, the phone works both ways after all- you text him and he texts back; now it’s up to you where it goes from here.

Xoxo Andi

Image courtesy of Taylorsevens/Flickr

Similar Reads👯‍♀️