Entering university introduced me to a new world of communication: email. Finding the balance between professionalism and friendliness has been strangely confusing. I meticulously read, reread, and then reread my emails again, worried that a period might make me sound cold, harsh, or disrespectful. So then I replace it with exclamation points, and my emails all look like this!
Email Tone is Complicated
I’ve realized the exclamation points I use aren’t randomly placed, they come from my own insecurity of not being likable. Communicating with people who are often strangers can be difficult when you can’t see their face, hear their voice or understand their tone. In my head, when someone else reads my sentence ending with a period, they’re hearing a stern, angry voice rather than a neutral tone.
Yet, none of this is true. I know and understand that my thought process when writing emails is wildly wrong, but I still fall into the same bad habits. Why, though?
My relationship with the exclamation point isn’t unique. I’ve noticed friends, peers, and colleagues who often do the same; most of them happen to be women. These are people I already see as kind and approachable. The punctuation at the end of their sentences doesn’t change the core idea their email conveys. Still, there’s this wavering unspoken pressure to sound warm, polite, and non-intimidating.
Personally, I feel this every time I’m about to hit the send button and suddenly doubts fill my mind. Do I sound rude? Did I say “please” and “thank you”? Do I seem too stern?
Workplace Habits
The simple force of habit reflects on the complexities of women and professionalism in the workplace. On one hand, women should type however they want and use whatever tools necessary to convey a message. On the other hand, when there is a silent obligation to sound more cheerful, polite or accommodating, that freedom ceases to exist.
Writer Victoria Turk conveys my exact feelings in her article “The Problem With Telling Women to Email Like Men.” She writes, “we’re left in an impossible limbo, trying to appear competent but also approachable, and attempting to judge just the right number of exclamation points that will hit that sweet spot between too pushy, or pushover.”
I’m constantly calculating my tone, strategically trying to be just professional enough to be respected, but not so much that I’m intimidating or abrasive.
My experience
I’ve started to question what would happen if I let my emails end with periods and used the proper punctuation when needed. It felt uncomfortable and quite scary. Guess what didn’t happen? No one sent me angry replies demanding why I forgot my exclamation point, or why I didn’t sound bubbly enough. Everything was the exact same, and my message was still crystal clear.
Please don’t think I’ve eliminated all exclamation points from my writing. I’m not going to stop using it for anyone else’s satisfaction. I just don’t feel the need to rely on them in every other sentence anymore. I’ve taken away its specialty, and the exclamation point is back to being just a different form of punctuation used to end a sentence.
I understand, to many, this isn’t that deep. It’s an email, not a will. But when you’re walking the thin tightrope of being both professional and likable, something as small as punctuation feels quite significant. Use those exclamation points when you deem it necessary—like right now!