The internet can provide us with many things, one of them being advice.
We can turn to Yelp to ask what restaurant to eat at, Reddit to figure out how to apply for scholarships, or TikTok to find the ideal curly girl routine for a particular hair type.
The internet is also a place where we may come across more serious advice, such as for friendships and determining how valuable they are. Oftentimes, this advice is something that we aren’t specifically searching for. Instead, it shows up on its own on our social media feeds.
As important as the advice can be in guiding us through all the hurdles life may throw at us, it’s also important to think about where this advice comes from and whether it makes sense in the context of each of our individual lives. The internet is not a higher being with ample wisdom and knowledge; it’s simply a collection of information from countless sources, some of which are more reliable and relevant than others.
Regarding friendships and their value, you may have come across videos and articles telling you about the impact of your network on your life. They remind you that the people in your life affect your motivations, goals, habits and behaviours. You may have heard, “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room,” “If you want a better life, choose better friends,” or “Only surround yourself with people who make you better.” All these sayings hold value but should be taken with a grain of salt.
There is benefit in being around people who are more knowledgeable and experienced than we are. We can learn from them and lean on them when we need support or run into a problem. They can provide us with advice about things they have already been through.
It’s also true that sometimes those around us may be headed in different directions than we hope for ourselves. Constantly being around them may feel draining or hold us back without us realizing it.
Having friends and family who actively push us to become better versions of ourselves is also very important. They remind us of our goals and what truly matters and hold us accountable when needed.
That said, we must be wary not to take these clever one-liners without thinking about what they mean in the context of our lives and friendships. Suppose our intentions are only to keep people in our lives with goals similar to ours or who are achieving big things that we hope to achieve one day. In that case, we are only allowing ourselves to see and understand a narrow group of people and beliefs.
Looking at our post-secondary lives as an example, many of us pursued degrees or diplomas after graduating high school, while many entered the workforce or took some time to figure things out. Having friends we can struggle with can help us feel less alone, whether that struggle involves studying for midterms or working as much as possible to save up for a new car.
However, choosing not to follow a certain path doesn’t make someone a bad person or friend. Being around people who are different from us allows us to open our minds to realize that just because something is right for us does not mean it is right for everyone.
Practicing religion is another example. We may have certain beliefs or ways we practice religion in our everyday lives, while some of us struggle with our faith, dress a certain way, follow dietary restrictions, or choose not to follow any particular religion. Having friends who are more in tune with their goals, beliefs, and practices can help us feel motivated to change ourselves in a way that aligns with where we want to be or simply help us feel more comfortable with our goals, beliefs, and practices.
What we must keep in mind, though, is that those who are not as religious as us, those who do things we could never imagine ourselves doing, those who are unsure of themselves or who have made the choice not to subscribe to any religion, does not make them inferior to us. Being around them will not automatically derail us from our tracks.
Sometimes, people with different goals and life paths are not good for us. They may encourage us to do things we don’t want or discourage us from working towards our goals. However, this is not always the case. We don’t need to “cut them off” simply because they are different than us. Just because someone doesn’t have something to “offer” us doesn’t mean they can’t be a valuable part of our lives.
We must realize that these people can provide us with new perspectives and teach us things we never thought we needed to learn. We may even be a positive influence in their lives and help them become a better version of themselves without realizing it.
Ultimately, we need to remember that friendship is not simply transactional. We shouldn’t choose who we associate with based solely on who will “benefit” us the most. Just because someone has certain skills, an impressive job, strong faith, a high GPA, lots of connections, or wealth doesn’t necessarily mean they will be a good friend.
Likewise, being a good friend doesn’t require that someone possess any of these things. Simply deciding whether someone is worth our while based on where they go to school, what company they work at, or how they dress can cause us to become judgemental and can even prevent us from getting to know really great people. People are multidimensional, and we must take the time to get to know them outside of their human capital.
Sometimes we need friends for the sake of friendship. We need someone to struggle with and complain with. We need someone who will gladly accompany us on the drive to the cool new grocery store that opened up an hour away, someone who will try a new 5 a.m. workout class with us even though they’re nervous too, or someone who will get you a cookie from the cafe they walked by just because they thought of you.
Friendship doesn’t need to be merely about giving and receiving or “networking.” There is value in a friendship that is simply about accompanying one another in life, all its ups and downs, and the mundane every day — and those people do not need to be like us, smarter than us, or richer than us to be valuable to us.