The Beauty Of Imitation: Collecting Little Pieces Of Each Other Along The Way

My cousin was the first person to put her head on my shoulder, now I find it’s the purest form of affection.

I say things that my friend, whom I haven’t seen in years, used to say. The words feel foreign and familiar at the same time.

My friends and I borrow phrases from one another, so much so they’ve become a part of our regular vocabulary.

In the walk of life, people tend to collect little pieces of one another along the way, like pebbles on the beach as you stroll down the shore, picking the stones that stand out the most. We carry the people we love in little places of ourselves — in our hearts, laughs, smiles, cries, movements, expressions, and tones. 

I drink tea like my mother does — a bite of jam and toast and a sip of chai right after. When I was a child, I used to braid my hair in two because I was told I looked like my grandmother when she was young. 

People leave a mark on us, ones we don’t want to wash away. Ones we keep in our memory, tucked away like notes in a pocket. 

I laugh like my aunt, a sharp cackle, gleeful crow in a room. I sing songs out of tune like my father when he would break out into songs whenever he felt like it. And I buy the same flowers my sister used to get from the market because it makes it feel like she isn’t miles away.

The idea of mirroring those we love is often referred to as the chameleon effect — the unconscious effect in which people tend to mirror certain mannerisms from others. This phenomenon mostly occurs when there is a deep connection with the other person. 

The chameleon effect is known to positively influence and affect the relationships a person has with others. By matching someone’s expression when telling a story, empathy is created. We tend to become in sync when we spend time with the people we love. Whether that’s a matched expression during conversations, a shared glance at the same time, or having the same thought in a moment, these instances can create a deeper bond and connection. 

Two professors, Tanya Chartrand and John Bargh, coined the term “chameleon effect,” as conducted in their 1999 study consisting of three experiments with 78 participants. In one study, the experimenter would have various mannerisms when speaking to each individual. Another consisted of having the experimenter mimic the individual.

In each experiment, the individuals felt more comfortable and a stronger rapport with one another when mirroring was involved in their actions. It was further found that participants who were eager to open their minds to the other’s perspectives were more likely to imitate mannerisms.

Connections can sometimes depend on how we interact with one another, how we display interest in what the other person has to say, and how we engage in deeper social mannerisms to showcase our interest.

There’s a side of imitation that can lean towards more of a negative outlook, such as when it stems from a sense of insecurity where a person becomes inadequate in their characteristics that they feel the need to imitate and copy another. However, there is also the positive side.

Recognizing that a hairstyle copied from the generations before us, selected phrases, or little ticks we adopt from one another make us part of a collective — a collective curated out of love. 

While individualism is an important belief to hold onto, it shouldn’t prevent the idea that a part of a person can come from the people who love and raise them, whether that be friends or family — there is beauty in that.

• adult friendship
• experience
• life
• love
• relationships