For centuries there have been industries established for male gratification. This practice has evolved from prostitution to escorting and other forms of sexual arrangements. This kind of underground trade can be found in any country around the world and workers’ age can range from seven to late sixties.
In recent years, there has been a surge of a new form of arrangements commonly referred to as ‘sugar dating’. This is a transactional form of dating that rose to prominence in 2015 when Brandon Wade created the website SeekingArrangements.com. Since then, the number of ‘sugar babies’ has increased, with university students being prevalent. According to Daily Hive, the University of Toronto and Queen’s University are among universities with the most number of ‘sugar babies’, explaining that the possible cause of this is the fact that many young adults are racking up 25,000 dollars in debt so they have “embraced a unique way to fund their tuition fees”. But what is a sugar baby and what does it entail?
A person who becomes a sugar baby enters a transactional relationship with (typically) an older, wealthier man in which they are “pampered” in exchange for “companionship.” Both of these terms are awfully broad; pampering can mean anything from expensive gifts, allowance or trips and companionship can mean anything from a daily text message to in-person sexual advances. Although the websites’ terms of use state that escorting, prostitution and human trafficking are all prohibited; it is this broad range of definitions that puts ‘sugar dating’ and ‘sugar babies’ in a controversial spot.
In theory, the concept is harmless. Once a sugar daddy finds a sugar baby, he presents his terms which are typically non-contact and most importantly non-sexual forms of interaction and the sugar baby decides whether or not she wants to engage. While many women are assertive in their desires and boundaries, once a ‘relationship’ of several weeks or months has been formed between a daddy and baby, there can be instances of financial manipulation and sexual exploitation. The line between a man asking for innocent conversation online to an eventual night at a hotel alone is very thin. Though it would seem easy for someone to turn down an offer like this, there is a financial advantage to taking the next step; unfortunately, many young women fall victim to such traps. In several cases, some sugar daddies can turn out to be possessive or controlling, holding monetary power above their head. In addition to sexual dangers, young women perusing Sugar Baby sites, risk running into scammers or predators. In a 2019 documentary on The Passionate Eye, UK journalist Tiffany Sweeney interviewed a young woman from New York who had agreed to have sex with a man she had met on SeekingArrangements in exchange for more money. She was never paid.
While these are all worst-case scenarios, there are many instances of young sugar babies who don’t encounter any type of red flag behaviour and sit comfortably in their financial arrangements until all their debts are paid off. A Bustle article from 2015, explained that multiple women find sugar dating part of sex-positive feminism. Chelsea Ridenour, a veteran sugar baby, said “I feel like such a lady boss. It’s about looking for what you want, knowing your boundaries, being smart, going after what you want.” She, like many others, claim that sugar dating can absolutely be a feminist act when it is orchestrated by women who are straightforward with their expectations. This form of financial arrangement allows women to turn the concept of male attention on its head. No longer are they victims of sexual male attention, but more so beings that are using what is available to them, their looks or social confidence, to receive ‘easy money’. Just as social media influencers flaunt their bodies for likes and earn enough to afford their wildest desires, sugar babies simply wish to recreate a similar form of monetary stability as quickly as they see others do so. Instead of being seen as a patriarchal trap, for some women, it has become a way to take advantage of the financial support they can receive simply for their time.
But who is really in control?
The reason this new world of dating has received such mixed reviews is because it truly falls in a grey area. Unlike dancing, sugar dating is not recognized as a legitimate form of employment; rather there is a stigma that surrounds those who agree to engage in this type of activity; one that is very similar to prostitution. Like many notions that have broken barriers in order to receive the appropriate attention, the LGBTQ+ community or the importance of mental health, maybe sugar dating is just another item on the to-do list. Or maybe it isn’t something that deserves to be normalized for it only places vulnerable young women (and men) in positions of submission out of desperation and fear. Is being a sugar baby a new form of feminist liberation and female self-declaration? Or is it just another reinstated idea that patriarchal systems will continue to be the strongest form of female survival?