There’s no question that the year 2020 has challenged us in ways we could have never imagined. On top of the numerous world events that have occurred since the beginning of January, the COVID-19 pandemic has taken the entire world by storm and changed almost everything in our daily lives. We cannot underestimate the impact that this is having on our mental health. I know that it has taken a toll on mine.
The first experience that I’ve ever had with my mental health happened when I was twelve years old. My parents told me in mid-March of my grade seven year that they were getting a divorce. Following this, I missed days of school, lost my appetite and slept most afternoons. Although I was young and didn’t know it at the time, I was battling depression.
Similarly, this year with everything going on, I found myself falling back into these same patterns.
Let me start off by saying, I haven’t had the best 2020 (pandemic excluded).
This year started off with the break-up of myself and a fairly long-term high school boyfriend. We had been going out for almost two years and had done long-distance for one and a half of those years. Needless to say, it was a pretty important relationship in my life. Losing it felt like I had to rediscover who I was without it and it left me at a loss for my own identity.
Also, my grandma was diagnosed with colon cancer back in late December of 2019. The news of this sent her into a spiral of depression that ended with her having to be committed to the psychiatric ward of Mount Sinai Hospital. She is since feeling better and has had numerous surgeries but unfortunately, the cancer has spread to her thyroid. While currently, it has not metastasized in any of her organs, she is still living with cancer today and going through harsh chemotherapy treatments.
In addition to this, the world events that have conspired this year left me with a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach. The Australian wildfires, death of Kobe Bryant, murder hornets and the threat of WWIII all left me with a feeling of unease about the world.
However, none of this compares to when COVID-19 was declared a worldwide pandemic back in March.
Coping with everything that happened prior to coronavirus was made more complicated by the fact that I was now at home in quarantine with only my immediate family. After only a few weeks of living in isolation, I found myself in a battle with my mental health. I was in a deep depression that was only intensified by the fact that I felt so isolated from my friends and there was no end to the pandemic in sight.
I found simple ways of coping that seemed to take my mind off of things. I found comfort in exercising, painting, journaling, reading, trying out new TikTok hacks and FaceTiming with friends. As well as basic self-care activities like bubble baths and skin care.
Months passed and restrictions started to lift. Once we entered phase one and two, my mental health did not get better. Instead the opposite happened. I realized that I had developed a slight agoraphobia from staying home all the time. Now that I could leave my house, the thought of doing so made me feel so anxious that I no longer wanted to. In addition to this anxiety, I was still coping with depression from everything that had happened this year.
When all of these feelings became just a little too overwhelming, I thought it might be the best thing to start seeing someone. Although it’s not perfect right now because of the virus, I started video chatting with a therapist who has been helping me through this complicated time.
Now, beginning in September, I am feeling as good as I have felt since March. I feel like I can treat this new semester as a fresh start now that I feel like I have finally got a grip back on my mental health.
My hope is that everyone out there is feeling okay during these unprecedented times. But also know that it is okay not to be okay. We are all human and doing our very best everyday. Be kind to yourself, even if you are not at your best right now and hold out because better things are coming.
It takes a year like 2020 to reframe how we see the world and ourselves. We can be so caught up in our own lives and problems that it takes dramatic events that we are experiencing to wake us up and force us to look around.