Keep Beating That Dead Horse

It’s Saturday evening and you’re out with your friends. You’re at your favourite hangout spot, maybe one of your houses or the best fast food place, or even rotting in the car in a random parking lot. After updating each other on weekly events, it goes eerily silent. 

Oh no, It’s coming! You try your best to resist bringing it up, but you can’t hold it back:

 “Remember that time when [insert a horrid memory/argument?]”  

And for the next hour you spend the time recalling the same topic you’ve mentioned for four years, seven days, nine hours, 57 minutes, and one second (also known as the day it actually happened). I really hope this isn’t just a me thing. 

Recently, I’ve been seeing the topic of beating a dead horse all over social media, especially among friend groups who’ve been friends for a very long time, and are made up of mainly women. 

As a fellow woman, I can proudly admit that bringing up old topics is my secret guilty pleasure. Retelling, reanalyzing, and most importantly, remaking yourself angry again. And while it may be obvious that it’s not the best practice in the world to keep yourself stuck in the past, my question is why is it a bad thing?

historical flogging

It has been argued that phrase was first popularized in politics.

British politician John Bright was continually speaking in the House of Commons in March 1859 about efforts to promote political reform. Well, another politician named Lord Elcho got tired of hearing what he had to say. He supposedly said Bright’s campaign was like, “flogging a dead horse,” and that no amount of discussion could revive the campaign, which Parliament rejected.

While it is unconfirmed if Lord Elcho was the originator of the phrase, it’s an intriguing backstory. 

John Bright kept talking about the same thing over and over again, trying to convince the House to finally accept his outlook. Sure, he was unsuccessful, but his dedication and perseverance (possibly) created a centuries-old phrase based on his actions. 

But is there a way to go back to your past and discuss prior issues without it turning into yearning or overindulgence?

my take

Even if a subject has already been discussed or decided, there are positives to dwelling on final decisions. In Ghanaian culture, specifically the Akan tribe’s tradition, there is a symbol called Sankofa, which basically translates to “go back and get it.”

Essentially, when you dwell on your past, you use these lessons to improve your future. 

Please note there is a point where you cross the line. When reflection turns into obsession with the past, it can and will negatively impact your ability to grow as an individual. 

So this is another article where there is no direct answer to the question.

I never said there’d necessarily be an answer, but I hope you’ve been thinking a little deeper. The solution I can propose to you (and myself) is to know the thin boundary when there is no benefit to continuing an endless battle. All of us John Brights in the world never seem to know how to stop.

But, before you dwell so heavily on a past situation that you know you can’t change, ask yourself this first: “Am I reflecting, or am I mulling over the same thing over and over again?” 

And yes, from time to time the answer will be mulling, but don’t worry. To be human is to be flawed; we don’t always make the best decisions for ourselves, nor do we always have control over our plaguing thoughts. Just try your best!

• friends
• life
• past
• reflection