This year was when I had to find my first internship, and as I’m writing this article, I am still unsuccessful. No matter how many times I reformatted my resume, updated my LinkedIn, and attended networking events, I still have no internship lined up. To say this internship-hunting process has been exhausting and draining would be an understatement.
I’ve always been the person who, when something isn’t working out, becomes extremely unmotivated and stagnant — a part of me that I’ve been trying to work on. As much as I hate this internship-hunting process, it’s truly helped me overcome this mentality. I’ve taken so many rejections that, at this point, I’m just happy to be told that I didn’t get the job.
I think the worst part is the interviews. The excitement of getting one feels like I’ve already gotten the job, making the rejection 10 times worse. Either I feel like I’ve aced the interview and truly feel like I’ve impressed the recruiter, or I stumble halfway through and feel extreme imposter syndrome.
I know deep down that I lack all the experience for the job, and they can see right through me and the facade I’m putting up. Both are equally as horrible, giving it everything I have and still not being good enough or feeling like I’ll never be good enough.
All for what, though? A corporate job that underpays interns while expecting the same results from full-time employees?
I feel like in school, I’ve always been so hopeful for my future, and I know that I’ll end up somewhere that will fit my strengths. But I have never felt this hopeless before in my academic journey. I feel like I’m behind everyone else, and while I know comparison is the last thing I should be doing now, I can’t help it. What am I lacking that everyone else seems to have?
I also appreciate all the advice everyone has given me, but at this point, I wish everyone would shut up. The awkwardness of telling people I haven’t gotten any internship. Then, transitioning to the “advice” they give:
“Did you revise your resume?”
“How’s your cover letter?”
“Are you sure you applied to everything?”
“I see so many on LinkedIn.”
You don’t think I’ve tried? Please, I’ve heard all of this, and I feel like my last straws are being pulled at. I already feel bad enough; I don’t need to hear that what I’ve done isn’t enough.
Honestly, I’d advise anyone in the same position as me that it will always work out in the end. Even if it feels hopeless, I know deep down that something is bound to work out, even if it doesn’t happen when I want it to.
I always catch myself comparing myself to others, and I try to train myself to never direct my attention toward what I lack. Being your own biggest supporter will be your greatest strength at this time.