Getting Real about Ghosting: The Millennial Way of Breaking Up?

By Alexia Del Priore

Our generation never ceases to amaze me with what arises as a result of the wrath of social media that has certainly plagued our generation. Many of you may be familiar with the term “ghosting,” others maybe not as much. I actually really just first started hearing of this term at the beginning of this year, and I think it is something that is becoming increasingly popular as more people experience ghosting, either as the “ghoster” or the “ghostee.”

Urban Dictionary describes ghosting as “an act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating (or seeing), but no longer wishes too. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just ‘get the hint’ and leave the subject alone…”

“Ghosting” is something that social media and our smartphones have created, perpetuated, and allowed. This is because instead of giving the person the decency of having a conversation with them in person or even over the phone, we have the ability to hide behind our phones, to delete messages, and to block that person with a touch of the button.

Sabrina Calfo, second year early childhood studies student at Ryerson University, says that ghosting is “definitely a millennial thing” that we can blame the smartphone for.

“I guess it’s just easier and more convenient to just stop responding then have to meet up and visually see that you’ve caused the other person some kind of hurt or disappointment,” said Calfo. “But at least a phone call would be nicer rather than being left on read for one week.”

Some try to defend ghosting with the idea that it will save the other person less “hurt” if they can just simply move on without them having to hear the honest truth and hurting them more. This unfortunately does much more harm than honesty ever would.

Eduardo Rodriguez, second year business management student at Ryerson University, says that after his experience being ghosted he would never ghost someone again although he has in the past, and that ultimately “it’s immature and people deserve explanations.”

“I think ghosting has become the new ‘norm.’ But I think it’s a matter of immaturity more common in people in their early or mid 20s rather than older people,” said Rodriguez. “I could be wrong though. I respect people who are straight up, like, ‘I’m not feeling it anymore’ or ‘I’ve met someone’ rather than just cutting someone off. It is rather immature and the anxiety it gives to someone is killer.”

Not getting any sort of closure can cause the ghostee to spiral into anxiety ridden worry about what they could have done differently, what caused the person to suddenly feel this way, or they will feel confused and disrespected.

Blake Harris, third year fashion design student at Ryerson University, said that his experience being ghosted for a week by his ex-boyfriend of eight months caused him to feel really “worthless, disrespected and like he didn’t matter to him at all.”

“We had plans and he just didn’t show up, didn’t answer a single text or call, from my phone or my friends. I let a couple days pass and I felt sick to my stomach and couldn’t stop thinking about what was happening,” Harris said. “I called his mom only to find out he was perfectly fine… then showed up at his house to have his mom tell me he was done with me.”

Ghosting also comes down to the fact that our generation is unable to be responsible for dealing with our emotions up front, or the consequences that come from potentially hurting another person with a decision we’ve made. Even texting allows us to hide behind our phones, as we have become completely immersed in this digital world.

Katie Bruno, fourth year public health student at Ryerson University was ghosted by someone she used to call a close friend, and says that “she can’t imagine not having enough decency to send even a quick text.”

“I had been really close friends with a guy for over a year, things turned up and we ended up going on a couple dates and were ‘hanging out’ a bit,” Bruno said. “One day he literally just deleted me off social media and blocked my number, I then found out he was seeing someone else. I know we had only been on a couple dates but we were close for over a year!”

If you are a ghoster, or if you’ve been in the position of a ghostee and know how awful it feels, just don’t do it. It is selfish, cruel and immature. In a generation of inauthenticity, be someone who has the ability to be authentic and honest. It’s just being a decent human being. You owe it a person, whether you’ve only been on a couple of dates or care about that person deeply, to give them an explanation.

• ghosting
• relationship