Printed on bold, black text screamed the words I Hate Men. Intrigued, I picked it up and read on the back in all caps “The feminist book they tried to ban in France.” Further intrigued, I bought the book because I had to read it.
Upon recently finishing the book, I had mixed feelings. It was definitely an interesting interpretation of modern feminism, where Pauline Harmange boldly states that misandry is actually a healthy way to be a feminist: “I see misandry as a potential way out. A way of refusing to accept these norms [men taking over, talking over us and even imposing their decisions on us] of saying no with every breath.” (Page 6). She makes a valid and strong point throughout this chapter and the next several ones, sharing personal anecdotes that spoke to me. As a young girl, I grew up in a conservative and Catholic household, being taught how to be a “proper lady”: don’t be so outspoken, don’t show too much skin, let the boys deal with it, sit back and stay silent.
There was one particular quote that struck out the most to me, which was that “Misandry and misogyny cannot be compared, quite simply because the former exists only in reaction to the latter.” To put it simply, that reverse sexism is not real. I just thought it was so interesting to read that, considering I’ve had conversations (most of which with men) who claim that there are certain instances of sexism towards men. I was talking with my former roommate once (a cis male) who complained that men in clubs get charged a higher rate than women. Another cis male argued that “yeah, women get domestically raped and abused, but men experience it at a higher rate than women.” (A ten-year-old article from the Guardian suggested that nearly 40% of domestic violence victims are men. Although, from looking at other data from government websites and non-profits, the statistics differ). And then my favorite argument, which is that “it’s scary to be a man nowadays – you can’t approach women without being looked at in a weird way.”
I noticed that most people I discuss feminism with always tell me that women are equal in the eyes of law- that women have equality and they question why this fight against inequality is still relevant. “The patriarchy doesn’t exist anymore,” we often hear. The argument is valid – we have made a lot of progress since women first got the right to vote. Women are able to manage their own money. Women don’t have to rely on marriages to be secure. Women can get into jobs or study certain college courses that were otherwise unavailable to them fifty years ago. However, you may think that women are on equal par as their counter-gender, Pauline Harmange highlights that it’s still a cultural issue.
A chapter that I love, “I am woman, hear me roar”, talks about anger in women. How when women decide to be outspoken in an argument, or display a form of violence, that they are labelled as crazy or aggressive. This spoke to me because, as an outspoken woman, there were attempts to silence me with shame. And then there’s the “crazy ex-girlfriend”, which labelled the women who strongly expressed themselves in the relationship. I remember my ex went around telling everyone I was crazy, even though he was the one who stalked me and drove around my neighborhood everyday for two weeks.
There’s also another issue that Harmange points out that makes the valid reason as to why women are still unequal to men: the idea of sisterhood. I remember reading about the comedienne, Iliza Schilinger, getting sued by a white man who was turned away at her “Girls’ Night In” show. The lawsuit claimed “gender discrimination”, since he was turned away for being a man. I thought that this was absurd – the event was marketed for women. And there have been many “Boy’s only clubs” and events only for men, today and throughout history.
I can see why people may question contemporary feminism – people think that women have achieved equal rights. Women can now be CEOs. The idea of a “career woman” has been largely destigmatized. Women have the right to vote. We are equal. But having these rights in terms of the law is not enough. More women than men suffer from sexual assault or r*pe. Girls are still sent to become child brides globally. Texas introduced the SB8 bill that is a near-total abortion ban. On the Daily Show, Kristen Schaal lists all the things that will happen before women get completely equal rights – flying cars and commuting to Mars.