We have such a hard time learning to love ourselves and although there are thousands of reasons- only one mainly comes to mind. The whole concept of being a narcissist makes us fear self-love might turn into being self-indulgent. We find ourselves going back and forth debating how much we can love ourselves and what exactly is “too much”.
We often like to reinvent ourselves because it makes us feel like we have our life together. As if a new haircut and a self-care night is gonna piece every issue you’ve had together and make it all make sense. I believe we do this cause we’re too afraid to show the slight pile of clothes in the corner of our lives. As if the smallest ounce of “untidiness” will determine how our lives are going. We forget that walking to the park where you laughed at a squirrel is our source of happiness. That $2 meal on the side of the road on a Thursday was another source of happiness. Those bits of moments are what make your life a whole. It isn’t the 7 AM gym runs or weeks of homework you finished on the first day. Although of course, these are great things I write this to remind you that your little things add up to one a “put together” life too.
The whole concept of “put together” is dumb anyway. Like to a minimalist designer, a maximalist room would be too much, messy, and just overall not put together enough. Then you show the same room to someone who likes a little edge and color, the room is looked at from a new perspective. They’ll see it as lively and maybe even wish they had that room. Then the concept of put-together shifts. The same goes with your little details and personal touches- they all add up to one big beautiful picture, which is your life.
We’re so afraid to admit when certain things are off that we forget about all the other beautiful things that make our lives desirable to another. We’re constantly chasing the impossible task of making our lives look put together that we forget where we feel most put together. Some feel it in their pajamas as they wake up at 4 PM on a Wednesday. Some feel it when they finally finish a painting that they stayed home weeks for.
Don’t forget to remember that you’re doing great. If you’re not doing so well, that’s okay too. We all have those moments. What’s important is that you chase the things that make you feel great, rather than what you see makes others feel great. You are you, they are them. Put together your own pieces.