Going into my second semester at UT, I decided it was time to take some courses out of my comfort zone, so when I saw the option for ” Intro to Sexuality” I jumped at the chance. If my family saw the assigned readings, they would probably jump out of their skin.
The text, ” Why Women Have Sex” by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss was bright and bold on the syllabus. I think I remember letting out a giggle. What’s even crazier is that this book was written by my professors, they’re awesome! Anyways, I think I expected a biased read but it wasn’t like that at all. Dr. Meston and Dr. Buss write about their years of trials and findings all to figure out the psychological and evolutionary reasons behind sex. Which scarily enough, is seriously related to having babies so be careful and use protection y’all. I’m going to highlight some of my favorite things I learned throughout the semester. Just a reminder this is all sexual psychology, don’t let it affect your mindset or love life!
What women are attracted to
Obviously, this topic varies for everyone but psychology has found ways to analyze our behavior based on evolutionary tactics, and let’s admit, I bet sometimes you’re thinking if someone finds a specific person just as attractive as you do. News flash, they probably do. So, here’s what the experts found for some desirable traits women look for in a sex partner.
- Scent
Musky aromas. If you ever find some guy walking by and thinking “Damn, they smell good” that is an evolutionary trait women developed over time to distinguish a potential mate because sexual arousal is enhanced by body odor. Many people often find that they love their partner’s smell and hate the one of anyone they’re related to. This is to protect you from reproducing with anyone with similar genetic material as you, in other words… to prevent incest.
2. Humor
This did not surprise me at all because I hear this from everyone. Women value personality over men, yes it’s actually a fact. Personality, especially humor, makes someone more attractive.
3. Size Matters
Remember on SNL how SZA was singing about needing a ” big boy”? Yeah, so she was onto something. Men that are taller and have more symmetry in their bodies are more desirable because they are more successful with reproduction. That could be a reason why people are always defending men with desirable attributes, especially the guys that are tall. I can account for plenty of times I’ve heard someone say ” But he’s 6ft..”.
Leading reasons why women have sex
Genital Gratification and Orgasm
Sex for pleasure is the main motivation for most of my experiences. I cannot imagine going into a sexual situation without expecting a pleasurable experience, it wouldn’t make sense to me.
” Why Women Have Sex” 2009 by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss
—predominantly heterosexual woman, age 36
It is common among this generation to understand that most people have sex as a form of self-care simply because they like it. It makes them feel good and they get something out of it, hopefully, a good experience.
For Someone Else
I have only slept with one person (my current boyfriend of a few years). After a while, the initial spark went away, so sometimes I don’t feel “in the mood” when he does. I feel sometimes that it’s my duty to make him as happy as I can, so sometimes I have sex when I don’t necessarily want to.
” Why Women Have Sex” 2009 by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss
—heterosexual woman, age 20
I found it shocking that there was a whole chapter in this book dedicated to something called ” A Sense of Duty” which is commonly when a woman, especially married or in a relationship, feels obligated to make their partner happy by having sex. Some studies show that many women are actually decreasing their desire for sex, especially in countries that don’t advertise women’s sexuality as well as men’s. In fact, as presented in the quote above, some women have sex just to make their partners happy even when they didn’t want to.
Social Status
In high school I remember feeling very proud of my number [of sexual partners]. . . . I would get a thrill just before sex, thinking to myself “another one! I snared another one!” Conquest.
” Why Women Have Sex” 2009 by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss
—heterosexual woman, age 26
An evolutionary perspective is often mentioned when considering a woman’s and man’s different desires and mating tactics. Whether it’s among homosexual and heterosexual males, something important to men is upholding a social status which is why they are often seen as more sexually active, this raises status through the evolutionary lens because it increases their chances for offspring. However, for women, gaining the attention of a desirable male increases jealousy of most women and increases the interest of other men. This apparently makes the woman seem more interesting now that this “alpha” male wants her. Yikes. Maybe not Alpha, but maybe pretend Pedro Pascal or Chris Evans wants you over everyone else!