Ever since I can remember, I’ve been comparing myself to other women. Asking myself questions like, “Am I prettier than her?” “Is she smarter than me?” “Does that boy like her better than me?” All my life, I’ve been trying to see how I measure up to other women. I never took the time to ask myself why the quality of my beauty, brains, or personality depended on someone else lacking in those departments. Even more disturbing, I didn’t find it strange that I wanted others to fail so that I would feel like the best.
It begins when we’re all very young—the idea that we should be insecure about other women excelling is instilled in us before we begin the third grade. This idea is the reason that we tell people “I hate you—you’re so thin!” “Ugh! You’re so pretty it makes me sad!” “Stop being so perfect I’m going to cry.” It’s the same reason we say that pretty girls are stuck up and that smart girls have no lives. It’s the reason that we can’t fully appreciate who we are as people. Instead, we spend our time trying to figure out who is “better” than us, and tearing them down for it.
For many people, feminism is about empowering women. To some it means giving us the right to vote, to drive, and to work without being expected to pop out 8 or 9 children. To others it means desexualizing women’s bodies, eliminating dress codes in middle schools around the country, or doing away with rape culture. But, what a lot of people miss when they talk about feminism, is something that I think is the most important. I think women have the right to be confident. I believe that we all should be able to check our insecurities at the door, particularly when they stem from another woman’s success.
Ultimately, feminism is only beneficial if women are unified and unafraid of both each other’s triumphs and their own shortcomings. Confidence is not walking into a room and feeling like you’re superior to the other women surrounding you; confidence is walking into that room and not having to compare yourself to anyone else.