A couple of months ago my roommates and I were having a nice margarita night in our apartment. There was a bit of Just Dance, a good amount of Cayman Jacks, and a golden retriever. It was honestly a good night; we had fun. But there was one specific event that has been itching my brain ever since.
It all started when we walked the dog, Lola, and one of her moms back to their apartment a block away. Along the way and based on context clues, I learned that Lola’s mom found herself in a situation that we’ve probably all experienced before, or at least a version of it. She was doing everything in her power to “escape” a guy that started to pursue her that night. With this scenario in mind, there were about five different stories that she could potentially use to drive the guy (who was actually really nice) away and get him to leave her alone.
“Have you considered telling him ‘thank you’ and that you’re ‘simply not interested’?” I kept asking myself, and eventually her. Wouldn’t it be so much faster, easier, and dare I say… better?
We dealt with the guy and the awkwardness of having to get him out of her apartment while she hid in her room, possibly pretending that her aunt had just been in some sort of accident and she was the only one who could help calm her down. I did eventually go up to the guy and tell him that our friend was simply not interested and that it was best if we wrapped up the night as it was.
This got my brain spinning, though. How many times have we felt the need to come up with all these crazy stories and maybe even learn how to cry on command in order to make them believable, just to tell a guy “no”? What is it that we feel like we owe to our… prospects?
I think it’s such an important and big thing to realize that ultimately, we owe these people nothing other than maybe human decency and kindness if that is the person we want to be. But a kind rejection, that is. Why is that? Because we’re not interested. It really is that simple. Instead, I’d say that what we do owe is honor and respect to ourselves, our desires, and our non-desires. As human beings, we have that right. Let’s remember and acknowledge that.
I think I know where it comes from too, the feeling of owing the almost shame to say no. Considering that throughout history, women’s one major responsibility was to find a husband, and if they didn’t achieve that, they would bring failure and shame upon themselves and their families. It makes perfect sense for that to be translated onto us in the present. Times are different, though. And I’d like to join the times.
Making up rare diseases, death, or overall distress is not necessary. We can all work toward being assertive and finding the safest ways to do so, in search of the ease that comes with the ability, to be honest with and for ourselves, and the people around us. We are not evil or “bitches” for simply not being interested or not desiring to entertain somebody’s flirting attempts. We have the right to be uninterested, we have the right to reject. Let’s start using it.