You know how it goes.
Boy meets girl.
They start going out, fall in love, and well….they wait till they’re married to have sex for the first time.
At least that’s the story I was told growing up. Minus the use of the word sex that is. I heard the term for the first time in sixth grade but didn’t fully understand what it entailed till my eighth-grade health class. Whenever friends brought it up, I’d always just nod along. Internally, however, my insides would turn inside out.
Talking about sex just felt…wrong.
My Indian culture had taught me to always cover-up. If I didn’t I would “distract” my male peers. While I wasn’t allowed to have those “distracting thoughts” myself. I never felt like I was suppressing that side of me because frankly I was never permitted to feel or think of anything physical.
That is of course until you turn 21. Then the moment you’re married, that’s the only thing people want you to think about so you can bring beautiful new babies into the world! (And that ladies and gentlemen is why India has the fastest-growing population).
Even when I got into my first relationship, all my mom did was warn me against doing anything that would get me pregnant.
As young girls, us women are instructed to guard our virginity. We keep it caged like an art piece. We are told to wait for the right one at the right time.
As for guys, the younger you are the better. Losing your virginity is celebrated through locker room talk.
The double standard isn’t news, but it has persisted for too long. Shaming women for their sexual thoughts only fosters low self-esteem, anxiety, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships down the line. Sexualizing us for the male gaze isn’t the answer. Neither is the slut-shaming that persists for women who do take control of their sexual agency.
The narrative changes with us ladies. Which is why I’ve been engaging in conversation with my friends, breaking the stigma around sexual expression that we all grew up with. It’s knowing that whatever stage of this journey I might be in, there is nothing shameful in my choice.
My power-our power- lies in that ability to choose.
Otherwise, how would I bring beautiful new babies into this world one day?
P.S: Don’t worry Mom its going to be an incredibly long while before the above happens.