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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Texas chapter.

The last time we talked, I dropped a major bomb. Yes, Aiden was my *ick appointment for the longest time the summer of 2019. It was fun, free, and beautiful. I was spending all my time focusing on me during the day, while the night was dedicated to us and us only. And before you get ahead of yourself, yes, it is completely normal for a woman (if you’re into labels like that) to have a companion to fulfill those needs, just like it’s oddly not weird for you “men” to be okay with having two or more relationships at one time! Any who, we won’t get into the double standards today. What was I saying? Oh yeah, so I managed to live my BEST life the summer of 2019 and Aiden played a big role into that. However, if anyone knows anything about friends with benefits it’s that the number one rule to being successful is…to never let yourself catch feelings. And I managed to break the only rule established in our agreement. 

Let me take you back to the day that it all started. Aiden and I had been seeing each other almost every night since we had first met. And as my move out day began to get closer and closer, I knew that the end was near. I was preparing myself to never talk to this kid again in my life, however, I knew if we were going to end things, we needed to go out with a BANG! That’s when I decided to invite him to my trip to the river in San Marcos with my friends. My friends and I wanted to plan a trip to end our summer, and I figured if I was going to get the MOST fun out of this trip, I would invite him with us. He had been dying to get out of Mesquite and we both needed a break from reality! As soon as I offered him the opportunity, he jumped at it without hesitation. I knew we were going to have a blast. 

I hadn’t told my friends about him, so when I explained to them that he was coming, it was a BIG surprise. They weren’t as shocked as I had hoped, but they were surprised that I had managed to keep him a secret this whole time. Nevertheless, the Airbnb was booked, and the alcohol was bought. 

I remember this trip solely because of how much fun I had. Aiden and I traveled down to Austin with a former friend of mine that was also going. We picked him up and we were off. We got to Austin, where we were staying a few days early to make the most of the weekend and to start the fun early. Night one was one to remember, and if you ask Aiden today, it’s the day he will say he knew he was in love with me. 

We partied at my friend’s apartment, and when I say partied, I mean PARTIED. It was only a few of us but we had a good time. I, however, had way too good a time. I drank a little too much and managed to mix my drinking with some recreational activities and let me just say…MY BODY IS NOT BUILT FOR BOTH…at one time. I sat there, staring, feeling like I was about to DIE, like my insides were crying to come out of me. Suddenly, their screaming managed to be heard, and soon enough I found myself dangled in front of my friend’s toilet. Let’s not forget, this is all happening while my current lover was in the other room. My former friend that I had driven down with took care of me, that was until Aiden decided to step in. He came and relieved her of her duties, and I vaguely remember hearing him say, “I got it from here”. 

All I really remember was two very significant moments. The first being one of my friends giving me a Topo Chico to revive my insides. And when I say it WORKED. Literally, I had never felt more relieved in my life. The second being a little more serious. I remember I started crying, like CRYING my eyes out. The room had already cleared out. I looked up at Aiden while he was holding my hair, and I just stared with tears in my eyes, and as much as I wanted to believe that I didn’t love him…I just couldn’t. I told him in that moment that I didn’t want him to leave me, that I was going to miss him, that he was always going to be my Dallas, that he was always going to be mine. I don’t really remember much after that. 

The next morning, I woke up in the bed, tucked in under a blanket. My friends were scattered across the apartment, and Aiden, Aiden was right next to me, making sure that I was asleep on my side just in case I was to vomit in my sleep.

The rest of that weekend was a series of events from going to the Airbnb, to going to the river, to Aiden rescuing me from almost drowning under the river rapids. However, at the end of it we were both left with one dying question. Did he feel the same way as I did? 

After we got back, things kind of changed, in a good and bad way. We lost the security of us being a secret, we were out to the open, everyone knew about us. And no matter how much we wanted to stay private, we knew that someone’s eyes were always going to be watching. However, with the loss of secrecy, we gained something greater, we gained freedom. And no matter how much we wanted to deny it, we knew deep down that this is what we wanted, to be open, free, and together. 

Had we talked about us since we got back? No, were we going to ever talk? Yes. But that’s something we can talk about next week. 


To be continued…

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