These past few months, I’ve been really struggling to write anything that I actually want to share. I’m used to writing very personal pieces about situations that I’ve been through or were experiencing at the time, but I don’t really have any of that right now. I’m sure there are people out there who read my articles and practically use my life for their own entertainment, but I don’t really want to share so much these days.
I am now in a relationship with someone I’ve always had a special place in my heart for. He’s incredibly good to me and has always been able to put a smile on my face. Now, maybe you’re sighing and rolling your eyes at the fact that I just brought my boyfriend up out of no where. However, I think that he and my lack of writing material are directly correlated with each other.
Essentially, all I do is write about bad things that have happened in my life. Last semester really was the climax for so many different experiences in my life to just hit me all over again as if I was going through them for the first time. It was pretty horrible, but going back home for winter break, getting to see my family, my best friends and be with my boyfriend really helped me. I felt like I was reconnected with who I was before all of these misfortunes had happened to me.
Now, none of these occurrences or people faze me at all. The memories and emotions surrounding those years are connected to different versions of me that don’t exist anymore. I used to be so hurt over what happened in the past to me, my friends, and my family, but I learned to look past all of that and just leave it alone. It wasn’t difficult either. I just woke up one day and none of it hurt the way it used to. My mind was no longer pressed by these negative emotions and they were nothing but passing thoughts of my childhood and high school years.
I mentioned my boyfriend earlier because I finally got to focus on something good and put the time into the connection that me and him always had. His presence in my life really put so many things into perspective for me and all my issues of the past suddenly seemed so insignificant. I could finally feel myself moving on and disconnecting from who I once used to be.
I’m so full of love and forgiveness these days that I don’t even view those events and people negatively anymore. They’re just not in alliance with my life and they don’t deserve to be present here either, so there’s no point in holding onto any of it. I’m at peace, which is something I never thought I’d be able to say and actually mean it.
That’s why I’ve struggled to reconnect with my writing. Because if I’m not writing about my very personal and hurtful matters, then what am I writing about? I don’t have any juicy news, or secrets that I’m willing to share with strangers and acquaintances anymore. I will not write about my relationship because I prefer if those details are kept between the two of us. There isn’t anything in my life that needs to be dispensed out into the world for others to place their opinions on. Although my writing might not pique your interest anymore, I much rather prefer my life to be at this calm stop instead of always having something disastrous to write about. Every one of those topics I previously wrote about deeply impacted me and pushed me to my limits. I don’t want to write about such difficulties anymore, I just want my peace. I still hope to write about relatable topics that people can find solace in the fact that they’re not alone in their struggles. I have no shame in talking about my personal battles, but I’m reconfiguring the boundary and respecting my want for peace and privacy now.