Is there a difference between niceness and kindness? What differentiates being nice vs. being kind?
We tend to conflate the terms nice and kind, but there is a difference and it’s a pretty big one. Being nice is a self-centered behavior that involves a pleasing performance. Being nice often comes from a place of fear. Being nice tends to place a facade to satisfy our need to be seen as good human beings. However, kindness goes much deeper. Kindness involves benevolence. Being kind comes from a place of love and authenticity. Acts of niceness can often be manipulative and the need for acceptance through a false front. Oftentimes being nice requires a strong desire to be liked. We all desire to be liked and loved by others, but we can’t let ourselves down by censoring ourselves to spare others’ feelings.
A nice person will always validate others because they fear hurting their feelings. However, the kind person will always call out others, even if it comes out as impolite. Sometimes being authentic and speaking from your values is the kind thing to do. Being nice is accepting and going with the flow. But the kind thing to do is to be disruptive because you care about people’s best interests regardless of how they will feel about you afterward. Niceness is acting according to a way to please others. However, being kind is listening to your genuine self and valuing yourself. Being kind is respecting others and yourself. Being kind is valuing self-respect while maintaining genuineness, compassion, and understanding.
A nice person will often self-sacrifice and imply interior motives. A nice individual values the perceived comfort of others to be liked. In contrast, a kind person will always offer compassion. A kind person will always be authentic. A kind individual is comfortable with discomfort and values the best interest of others.
When you start being kind, you will realize your values and learn to respect yourself. By being kind, you will never fear acceptance or the desire to be liked because you learn that you will be okay no matter what. You start to value your authentic self and learn to respect your values and boundaries. Kindness brings comfort and warmth and enables us to contribute positively to something outside ourselves. It confirms our own existence and our relationship with others in a helpful manner.
When we pretend to be nice for a long period of time, we start living in the world with that facade and lose our authenticity, which keeps us from being kind. With that information, I challenge you never to lose your kindness or authentic self.
When given the choice of being nice and kind, I hope you choose to be kind.