I have always been a people pleaser. My number one priority always was making sure the people around me never had a problem with me, even if that meant sacrificing my own happiness. Because of this unhealthy habit, reserving my own energy for my own sanity has always been difficult for me. I found myself getting burnt out easily and that when I was putting myself out there and meeting new people, I never felt like myself. My anxiety has always tricked me to believe that others do not like me and because I was convinced that it was true, this thought would always consume me and would interrupt my time worrying about bettering myself in other aspects of my life. Coming to college has heightened this anxiety due to constantly being in an environment that forces me to meet new people. Even though this has been a peak part of my time here at UT, I cannot help but feel this way. Due to this fear, I have been on a journey in learning how to protect my peace, and even though its a work in progress, here are some tips that have helped me kickstart this progress.
Being able to say no:
Saying no can be daunting. There’s often this lingering fear that declining an opportunity might mean it won’t come around again.Take, for instance, when a new friend invites you out, but you have an exam in two days that you desperately need to study for. In these situations, I find myself wrestling with the decision, even though the obvious answer should be no. And even when I do end up saying no, there is always this guilty feeling immediately after. It’s okay to say no. Being able to say no when you absolutely need to is such an important habit to implement because it shows initiative in putting yourself first. Consider if the roles were reversed – if someone said no to you due to their commitments, you’d understand, right? It’s also important to remember if you are uncomfortable in explaining why, that is okay too. Your decision to say no is entirely valid, regardless of whether you choose to elaborate on your reasons. When saying no, we have this guilt about inconveniencing others however saying no does not make us bad people. Time and energy are valuable resources, and it is essential to use them wisely. Saying no is aligning these resources with your priorities and goals, which is an important step towards your future.
Paying attention to what triggers you:
Being a student in college, you find yourself facing a new environment almost all the time. Because of this there could be a possibility of running into someone that could be unintentionally triggering you. If there are people present causing you significant amounts of anxiety, it is good to have the option of limiting your exposure to these people. College is the time to find your people that will continue to support you whichever way you present yourself to them. Protecting your peace means creating a healthy environment for yourself in every situation and this means paying attention to your triggers and staying away from them.
Dedicating time to doing something you love:
As students, our schedules often demand commitments to schoolwork, organizations, and socializing with friends. However, we also tend to use a lot of our downtime recovering from these obligations by spending it on our phones. To better utilize our time and preserve our energy, we should redirect this time towards pursuing our passions. We often blame ourselves for not having enough time to do certain things, but should use this free time to fulfill these regrets. Engaging in hobbies allows us to invest our time in something productive and ultimately more fulfilling than endlessly scrolling through our phones.
As an overly anxious person, I’m still in the process of practicing what I preach. However, simply just wanting to have this security is one step closer to achieving it. Being able to maintain a work- life balance while preserving your energy seems to be a difficult task, but it’s not impossible. The main key to protecting your inner peace is to practice putting yourself first, a skill that requires ongoing learning and growth for everyone.