Kristen Bryant-Thinking In A Lala College Sweatshirt

What To Do When You’re Being Played

You know the expression “don’t hate the player, hate the game”? Yeah, well, let’s be real, the game is supposed to be fun, it’s the players that are the nasty ones. Tinder, Bumble, dating or hookup culture -- that’s the game. The participants are the players. What are the rules? What’s the goal? Both have varying answers, but one thing is for sure, unless the players work together, no one wins. 

So, you have found yourself being played huh? First off, I am so sorry. Hopefully you know that most of us have been in your position. As sad as it is, a bit of toying of emotions is almost an obstacle in this “game.” If you have found yourself at this level, here’s what we're going to do:

  1. 1. Stop in your tracks.

    Alright, hold on a minute. Let’s pause and assess what is going on. What are they doing? What are the red flags? Has some emotion shifted? Let’s begin with these questions. C’mon, think about it right now.

  2. 2. Red flags.

    Let’s figure some out. Are they flaking on plans with no good reason? Are they avoiding proper conversation? Some red flags include: commitment issues (even just promising to see you), not confronting you about something, not putting in any effort, etc.

  3. 3. Think about it...

    Alright, form all your answers to the previous questions. If they don’t align with what you are looking for, you may need to ask if putting in effort while not receiving the same amount is even worth it (it isn’t).

  4. 4. Confrontation.

    Now the hard part, confronting your player. First off, we don’t want to assume the worst, so try to keep an open mind. Ask them if something has been going on. Make sure you also ask for their intentions as clearly as possible. If they explain themselves with valid reason, then great! Maybe they haven't been themselves due to something going on and you two can move forward. If they have the decency to explain that their intentions are not the same as yours, then you know it’s time to stop.

No one likes the feeling of being played. It wastes the time of both people and at least one person feels devalued. But, just know that unless you’re the one messing with the “rules,” you did nothing wrong. Now, we start the game over and hope you get some wins along the way.