What being an older sister has taught me about myself

My little sister just moved into college and is starting her freshman year! She is three years younger than me but is still a baby in my eyes. Watching her start this new chapter has made me reflect on not only the person she is, but our relationship and how it’s helped me grow into the person I am today. My identity has so much to do with her, with us.  

My relationship with my sister is the cornerstone to every other relationship I’ve had. When you’re growing up, your siblings are the first people you interact with, talk to, joke with, and learn how to behave around.   

Being a sister is like your first trial run on how to be and act around other people. Being an older sister– the way I learned how to be was in relation to my little sister. She was my shadow, looking up to me and copying my moves. Granted, this made me feel very grateful while also annoyed for many years, but what was born out of these feelings was the knowledge of how to be patient and caring– how to love someone despite that. 

Being patient, learning how to control your feelings, learning how to help someone express their own wants, being a comforting presence, having empathy, and loyalty are all things that sisterhood taught me.  

So many of the friendships and relationships I have now, I can view through the lens of the way I grew up with my sister. From being a sister, I learned how to be patient even when I wasn’t, and how to really care for something beside myself. Those feelings of empathy and loyalty weren’t specific but stuck with me.  

I often notice myself in friendships behaving in ways I learned from being a good sister.   

There was an added sense of responsibility and purpose that came in wanting to make sure she was protected and loved. I wanted to always be a figure she could count on. Getting older, I always knew she was watching and looking up to me as I grew and went through new experiences and challenges. I wanted to be able to teach her and be a guide for anything that she might go through.  

I wanted nothing more than to be a good model for her, and I spent consistent time making sure I was doing the best I could do to be the best possible model for her. I want to be brave, strong, passionate, and caring for her.  She makes me work harder to be a better person because I want to be the best person for her to look up to. 

Everyone who has a sister knows that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows and that there is a lot of arguing and fighting, natural among any relationship. These moments are as good of lessons as any because they teach you how to deal with conflict and teach you that it’s really never that serious. You can be in tears, fighting over stolen clothing in one moment, and then best friends again in the next. The silly and inconsequential fights serve to illustrate the complexities that exist within all relationships.  

In the months before she left for school, I spent a lot of time trying to fit in so many lessons and stories wanting to make sure she was prepared, knew everything that could possibly happen, and having to realize that there are so many parts of life you can’t fully prepare for. I hope that our relationship has been as impactful on her as it has on me and she can truly thrive in this new place. 

I love you, Violet! 

• friendship
• girlhood
• life
• siblings
• sister