For as many of the last years as I can remember, I’ve never really been excited for my birthday. It was as though the joy and magic of a birthday celebration had suddenly gotten too old for me, and I was stuck with a permanent case of the birthday blues. But since the very beginning of this year, I’ve felt the anticipation of turning 21 tug at me consistently. A constant feeling that this year is supposed to be big, the year where the world finally truly becomes my oyster.
But what is it about being 21 that makes it such a milestone?
Well, 21 marks the official step into adulthood. It’s the age most commonly associated with being fully grown up. It’s the age where you can legally drink in the U.S., but your life also starts to sound a bit more serious, the future feeling closer than ever. 21 is portrayed as the marquee birthday. It’s all things grandiose. It’s not just another day when you turn a year older; it’s a turning point. An event that has a before and after. A moment where everything feels like it’s going to change as the clock strikes midnight.
And admittedly, I’ve bought into that novelty. In the days leading up to my 21st birthday, it’s all I could think about: what it’s going to be like to finally be 21. My shoulders carried the weight, and my tummy carried the butterflies, driving me sick with the wait. Somehow, I’ve not been able to shake off this feeling that something big is coming, to pick up my pieces, to be the best version of myself. To spend this day with no regrets and make it the best day ever.
While it was one of the best birthdays I’ve had in a while, one where I feel so utterly baked in the love that I received, it was also nothing as I expected. Even though it’s a turning point, nothing had really changed. I didn’t suddenly wake up as an adult, brimming with all this insight and experience. In fact, interestingly enough, I had never felt more like a kid, full of excitement for my birthday just like it used to be. Isn’t it so fascinating how, as humans, we put so much emphasis on this one day, only for it to be just another day? Why is it that we think of growing up as something that happens in distinct stages? Isn’t all change gradual?
So, rather than suddenly becoming an adult, I think 21 brings the realization that you’ve been an adult all along. While 21 made me an adult on paper, I think I have been becoming one this whole time. I grew up with every decision I made for myself, with every mistake I made and learned from, with every time I’ve picked my own pieces up, with every hiccup I’ve overcome, and every time I’ve figured things out even when nobody had the answers. None of these moments came with a cake or a candle to mark them. And yet, they are as much a part of becoming an adult as this day itself.
There’s something both comforting and terrifying about this realization. Although I’ve been growing into an adult, this age has also brought me a greater awareness of the realities of adulthood. I feel this sudden pressure to become the most put-together version of myself, to know exactly what I want, where I’m going, and how I’m going to get there. It feels like everything I had put in the “Later” folder is now approaching at the speed of light. But I cannot fundamentally change who I am in a day. I cannot simply figure out adulthood. I cannot just figure out myself and my path. Like change, this too shall come gradually.
Thus, 21 may be all things big and bold, and it should be celebrated just as such. But it doesn’t mean everything has to change. Frankly, nothing will on that one day. You will keep growing and changing, just as you have been all along. You will eventually find your answers, even if you don’t have them today. So, instead of tying yourself to the expectation of a big change or a first step into adulthood, make it a proper welcome to adulthood. Embrace everything you’ve been through, how much you’ve grown, and how far you’ve come. Pat yourself on the back, party hard, and surround yourself with the people who matter most. After all, they are the ones who bring all the fun and grandeur to your big day!