“If you don’t heal what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you,” is a quote from Isabella De Bruno. In my opinion, this quote embodies the concept of people not healing from their past and when this happens, the damage causes pain to someone in their present. For example, if you’re used to a friendship with someone who yells at you, this unhealthy habit, according to health writer and registered nurse Carrie Madormo, could make you yell at someone else. Another example of this is if someone was cheated on in a past relationship, when they are with their next partner, they could become controlling because they’re scared of something similar happening. According to Start My Wellness, Past traumas can cause a distorted perception of how relationships are supposed to be. It’s important to heal these things before moving on and risking damage to a new relationship or person because of it.
I feel that internal pain can forge into an outward action if you’re not careful. Being hurt can guide you to wanting more control over a future situation, so you don’t get treated the same way. This is why people say “hurt people hurt people”. I think cycles are created when people don’t channel their healing inward. I’ve been told by someone that they notice themselves treating me in the same way someone from their toxic past treated them. They carried their past into a new relationship because they didn’t take enough time for wounds to heal; this ended up hurting both of us in the long run.
Although toxic relationships can happen, they can also be worked through or prevented. In my opinion, the first thing to do is acknowledge the things you have been through and how you’ve been treated. Instead of dismissing things or validating someone else’s behavior because of circumstances, I think it’s important to understand the experiences that shape you and make sure not to harm people the way you have been harmed. A way to do this is to know things that trigger you of past hurts, and instead of reacting immediately, take some time to respond how you think is best.
There are many ways to go about managing bad habits and not allowing your past to control your future. According to Start My Wellness, some strategies include: opening communication, establishing boundaries, mindfulness techniques, and challenging your negative thought patterns. Open communication could look like the embracement of empathy and explaining things of your past. Establishing boundaries could be for building trust and mutual respect. Mindfulness could be journaling to reflect on past experiences, exercising, or reading. Lastly, challenge negative thought patterns which I think is so important because it can help to reframe overthinking and replace thoughts that could be distorted into a positive realistic view instead.
In the end, I think it’s so important to not let your past define your future. You are more than the struggles you have been through and instead of letting cycles occur, embrace the growth you could take from it. In my opinion, it’s your responsibility to acknowledge bad habits you might be taking from other situations and make sure you don’t use that in fresh circumstances. I feel like healing and not repeating cycles is essential so others around you don’t get hurt like you have.