(Content warning: This story mentions rape and sexual assault.)
Lately, the song “Spend Dat” by Yung Miami has been popularized all over social media, and I couldn’t help but question what it’s doing to our generation.
The song praises men who spend lavishly on women, with lyrics that glamorize expensive gifts, designer bags, and a lifestyle where financial generosity is seen as the ultimate mien of status and attraction. Its most recognizable lyrics say: “Where all my scammin-ass … at? Spendin’ that money fast. Twenties, fifties hundreds cash. Boy go in that Goyard bag.”
Now I don’t mean to be a Debby Downer or overanalyze things, but this brought my attention to a subject that I’ve been questioning for quite a while now:
Should I be looking for someone who is a “trick” or someone who fits my wants & needs emotionally, but not financially?
Hearing this question at first may seem wild, but this is a conversation that I’ve had with friends of both genders on various occasions, but I still find myself confused in the end.
- Let’s Be Honest: What Do Most Women Really Want?
When talking to many of my girlfriends, when dating a man, one of their top priorities is to talk to someone who has money. Now I know when you first hear this, you may think off rip that this is the mindset of a gold digger. This may be true depending on the person, but I understand where they’re coming from.
In my opinion, who doesn’t want a man who can take you out without questions asked, not look at you funny when the bill comes, pop up with flowers just because, and surprise you with gifts from time to time?
To me this is totally understandable, but when this leads to an overemphasis on materialistic wants such as Chanel bags, Louis Vuitton, and Dior, specifically at my age, are when I feel problems start to arise. (But let’s be clear, I do want the one who can spoil me, lol.)
- Now Here’s What the Men Had to Say
As I’ve tried telling my male friends a women’s perspective on this topic, several still seemed to disagree. In their opinion, a woman wanting financial stability is totally understandable, but many women don’t seem to reciprocate.
One of them said that a lot of women just want to “take, take, take” without giving anything. From what I’ve also seen, this point is valid. I feel like relationships should be a joint effort in which both parties are giving, not taking advantage of one another.
But to me this is where the real issue arises and emphasizes escort/pimp culture in our generation. As cited by Villanova University School of Law, “In contemporary music culture, particularly within mainstream hip-hop, the figure of the “pimp” has often been transformed from a trafficker into a symbol of power, wealth, and control. This cultural reframing is not harmless. The glorification of pimp culture contributes to the normalization of commercial sexual exploitation.”
That quote right there is golden information to me! A great example of this exact situation is the Boston Richey and Tatiana Chanell situation which went viral on social media (which you may have seen if you’re chronically online like me). Many people my age glorified this relationship, and ignored the fact that Richey was talking to Chanell while she was underage simply because he had money. Besides him having money, from her words, he allegedly raped her, held her hostage, and put her through many horrible situations.
In my opinion, this is signaling to my generation that as long as a man can buy his way into forgiveness, all other actions and behavior should be ignored. I’ve learned that sometimes being caught up in materialistic desires often leads us to dark places.
I’ve also learned that it’s best to stay focused and work hard on your own for the things that you want. It was instilled in me that I shouldn’t rely on a man to provide for me but know that I too can do the same thing for myself. If a guy chooses to do something nice for me, it’s a plus, but if he doesn’t, I think that’s totally fine because I can also do it on my own.
At the end of the day, ladies, I think that you should spend that on yourself. A nice dinner is cute, but a peace of mind is priceless. Who knows where he got that money from? And if he’s a scammer, you might be explaining those gifts to a judge, too!