OCD in College: “Always Prioritize Your Mental Health”

Before college, most universities deliver some type of speech regarding the prevalence of mental health issues during your years as a college student.  They go over the “main” ones such as depression, general anxiety, eating disorders, and the effects high amounts of stress does to your mind and body.  I brushed this off as “eh okay, I will get some anxiety but so what, that’s what happens to all college kids.”  But, when I started experiencing extreme levels of obsessions and compulsions to alleviate the stress, I was in denial that my childhood ghosts came back to haunt me. 

As a 7-year-old, I knew I was different than my friends.  I washed my hands incessantly, worried about diseases and death, and did not like when things didn’t feel “right.”  Fast forward 12 years to my sophomore year of college and I suddenly felt the familiar numbness creep through my whole body as I sat in Temple University’s counseling services.  I knew what was wrong; I just didn’t want it to be true.  As a child I suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  OCD is an anxiety disorder where the sufferer experiences intrusive or unwanted thoughts and performs compulsions or “rituals” to alleviate the excruciating levels of anxiety.  These obsessions can be about anything.  Typically, OCD “goes after” things that are most important to the sufferer.  Despite popular belief, it does not revolve solely around cleanliness or germs.  Personally, mine always revolved around perfectionism, death, and my romantic relationship.  But, I was in college! I thought these years were supposed to be all about fun, parties, and finding my future bridesmaids.  Having an absolute mental breakdown halfway through college was not on my to-do list.  What would people say about me?  Who even has OCD at our age?  Everyone will think I am just making it up – that I just liked being organized and I was being dramatic.  Unfortunately, I was not just “being dramatic” I was in serious trouble and needed help. 

So, there I sat on my bed, with the bottle of Lexapro I was prescribed, weighing my options.  I can take these pills and end it all and finally be at peace, or I can suffer through another day of endless intrusive thoughts.  But, something in me wasn’t giving in.  The fire was still lit and although dim, it was at least something.  I decided that I needed to fight.  I sought for help of any kind; online support forums, psychotherapy, pharmacological interventions, and intense therapy interventions such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure Response Therapy.  It was absolutely not the ideal way I wanted to spend part of my college years but I needed help.  I needed to let go of the expectations I had about the “perfect” college experience and help myself.  It took many hours of therapy, practice, and tears to get where I am now. 

Mental health issues are not always going to be the typical diagnoses they warn you about before college – sometimes they can be more complex, like in my case.  And that is OKAY.  I am here to let you know that you can get the help you think you need and the help you deserve.  Just because you may be suffering from something else, do not think that people will not understand or want to listen.  Universities offer tremendous support resources and counseling services for you to utilize.  Always prioritize your mental health – your mind is the core of your being and you have to treat it like any other part of your body.  If it’s hurt, it has to heal.  College is a whirlwind of changes and there is no race to see who does it best.  Embrace yourself for who you are and always listen to your gut because I can tell you one thing, despite how much I hate my OCD some days, I embrace me for who I am, and ya know what?  I think it may be working.