For the longest time, I didn’t know how to describe how my period felt. I thought if someone doesn’t get it, it would be a waste of breath trying to describe it to them.
Until one day, while I was on my period at 15, I was talking about how miserable I felt to my grandma. My grandma started to tell me a story from when she was my same age, about a conversation much like the one we were having.
My grandma described how she had felt as having “water in the brain”. From that moment forward I had the description I needed to convey what my period felt like. When I tell people now, they still don’t always get it, but when they do it’s just this feeling of relief. They know where I’m coming from, and they empathize with how weird and uncomfortable that feeling can be.
I have been on birth control since I was 16. The reason I got on birth control was because of my overwhelmingly, painful periods, in combination with mood swings, irritability, insomnia, and an overall clouded state of mind for about seven days.
At 14, I quickly realized that these seven days would be like dragging around a ball and chain. I tried all the home remedies, and nothing would subside the pain, except heat. Unfortunately, I can’t have access to an electric heating pad through all hours of the day.
When I finally went to the doctor to talk about the pain, they suggested I just “get on the pill.” Out of options, young and ready to try anything, I started on the pill. I have been on birth control ever since.
I wish I could say that birth control solved the problem, but the painful periods continued. A core memory of mine is throughout high school, I would not be able to drive because I would always be clutching my stomach in pain. I was helpless. Eventually, tired of going through the experience I decided to start skipping my period by using the pill.
Being 17 at the time, I did not know any better, all I knew was that it was an option. This worked for me, as it took the problem away all together. I was super excited about it, until I found out that was something you should not do. Even still, it was something I could do. It was safe, but it was just something that wasn’t natural for my body to do, not get my period. But birth control isn’t natural anyway, so what made this any different?
To this day I am still not sure. I am 20 years old and still do not know if there are any harmful effects that have to do with birth control. If you have never seen it, the warnings that come with the pill can double as a tablecloth, considering how large it is.
I recently made the decision to try a different method of birth control, the Ring. I thought that this may be a better method that could be more fitting to my body, it wasn’t as big of a commitment as the IUD or the implant. However, when switching birth controls, it immediately felt wrong.
I was in pain, I felt physically fatigued, and it was overall generally uncomfortable. It was when I started my day, getting up and moving my body, when I decided to reach out to my doctor. When I spoke to my doctor about the pain, she said that it was normal to feel this type of discomfort within the first few days of usage and to feel fully adjusted to it I should wait for the suggested three months.
Halfway through the second month, I was in distress and weighing the pros and cons about just taking it out and giving up with it. I was unsure about what that would do to my body, but I wanted to see if anything would improve. I gave the situation the benefit of the doubt.
At the end of the third month, I finally felt secure in my decision to stop with that method, and switch back to the pill.
Looking back and reflecting on the situation, I wish I had listened to my body and did not feel pressured into experiencing something that I knew did not agree with my body. It ended with me feeling very frustrated with myself and my decision, because I had been uncomfortable in my body for three months.
People like to bring up the idea that “The you on birth control, is not the you off birth control.” This comment alone makes someone like me, who has been on birth control for much of their life, feel alienated from not only myself, but from other women who are not on birth control.
Anybody can have differing opinions about birth control, but it’s important to be mindful of what one shares about their experience. Sharing out can create a harmful narrative of the medication, creating stigmas around birth control, and leading to a lot of miscommunications among women. Making the decision to take birth control is specific to each person, and their decision should be weighed by those the individual chooses to reach out to, like their doctor or family members’ personal experience.
After my journey with birth control, I have taken some extra time to listen to my body, learn about myself and find what works for me. I don’t think it is fair to project the idea that I am going to be a different person off birth control, and I am missing out on something, or even lacking in an area of my personality because of the medication. Every individual is going to have their unique experience of how it affects them. Regardless, it is important to do what makes you feel most comfortable in your own body.