If you’ve been part of my algorithm on Instagram, you have seen the trend of people presenting slideshows about controversial topics. One slideshow presented by Tracey Sarpong named “Hot Take: Long-Term Singleness Is a Red Flag” stood out to me and made me begin to think about my own life.
As someone who’s been single for quite a while now, I don’t think that being single is a red flag.
The Bright Side of Being Single
- Finding Me Before Finding “The One”
At my age, very few people know what they want in life, let alone a relationship, which is totally fine. We’re at the age of creating core memories, enjoying life, working towards a career path, and sometimes adding a relationship on top of all that can be stressful. Personally, I want to know exactly who I am before putting my all into another person.
- Protecting My Peace
Particularly at my age I’ve noticed how a lot of people like the fantasy of being in a relationship but aren’t willing to put in the work. Relationships can be quite beautiful, but it also takes loyalty, communication, time, and commitment, which many people aren’t willing to give up.
As a result, constant arguments, feeling unheard, and built-up resentment, can slowly begin to take a toll on the relationship. (If you feel like it’s not ready to grow, please let it go!)
- Sorry, I Don’t Do Bare Minimum
Another reason why I’m totally fine with long-term singleness is because I will not lower my standards and accept behavior that I disagree with. When dating someone, I refuse to accept minimal effort. I am not going to beg someone to call me, beg them to take me out on dates, nor compete with other people. (I’d rather be single than settle for half-hearted effort.)
The Not-So-Glamorous Side of Being Single
- Habits are Hard to Break
From what I’ve noticed when some people are single for long periods of time, they’re less likely to commit to someone. I’ve seen that if a man is used to hooking up with different girls, hangs out with a lot of women, craves attention from social media, and goes out every weekend, it’s very unlikely that he’ll want to give that up.
Please save yourself the heartache of thinking you can change him and leave him where he stands. (He’ll realize what he had eventually, but 9 times out of 10 it’ll be too late).
- Missing the Idea of Love
Although being single has its good moments, sometimes one just craves romance, intimacy, and companionship. As for myself, I hate to say it but I’m a hopeless romantic. During times like National Girlfriends’ Day, Valentine’s Day, or seeing couples in their matching Christmas pjs is when I feel my singleness the most.
While those moments can make me feel lonely for a little while, I always remind myself that staying true to my boundaries is more important than settling for temporary affection. (P.S. they may look like a cute couple on Instagram but have that Jada and Will love in real life!)
- Waiting for the Right One
When being single for a long period, sometimes I tend to feel almost incompatible with a lot of people that come my way. I want to be with someone who gives me butterflies whenever I see them. I want to hear the trumpets blow whenever we kiss but also feel safe and comforted whenever he’s around.
But before getting to this point, a lot of men don’t make it past my mental checklist. I’m not looking for a relationship just for the sake of saying I’m in one. I want a healthy love that’s built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect.
The Verdict
I’ve come to the conclusion that you shouldn’t judge someone on how long they’ve been single. We’re all on different journeys, trying to accomplish different goals, and in my opinion, a relationship shouldn’t be the center of someone’s life.
I believe that love is a beautiful thing, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of your peace of mind, standards, or personal growth.
To me, long-term singleness isn’t a red flag but settling for the wrong relationship is.