I never would have imagined that going to college would involve reconnecting with a faith I had vowed never to return to.
I grew up in a strict Hispanic Catholic household. For my mother, there was no greater sin than refusing to attend Sunday mass. I did everything a “good” Catholic was expected to do. I was baptized, received communion, and confirmed in the Catholic Church.
It was once I got to high school that I started to challenge my faith.
My parents were going through a rough patch in their marriage, which ultimately impacted my mental health. I soon developed depression and anxiety, which affected my academic and social life. I would pray to God begging him to take away my suffering and to fix my entire life, but nothing changed. I felt completely abandoned by God and promised myself I would never believe in him again.
Later, I learned that leaving the religion you were raised in was not so uncommon. According to a recent global study by the Pew Research Center, a fifth or more of all adults have left the religious group in which they were raised, with Christianity facing high losses.
Ultimately, I kept my promise of never believing in God throughout high school, but everything changed once I began college.
As the first person in my family to attend college, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. During the fall semester of my freshman year, I felt completely overwhelmed with my classes, harsh deadlines, exams, and the constant pressure to succeed from my parents.
Most of my nights were spent sleepless and working on class assignments. I felt completely unmotivated while doing my work and just felt overall alone in this new chapter of my life. That’s when I started to question the promise I made back in high school. Should I return to the religion I promised myself never to go back to?
On a random Sunday morning, I decided to go to mass with my mother, and she was the happiest person in the world. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was extremely nervous to attend mass after years of not going. But all this anxiety left my body as soon as I walked through the church’s doors. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and felt like I could breathe freely. I finally felt calm and peaceful after a long time of constant worry. It was an inexplicable feeling.
I knew that this was a calling from God to come back home, which for me was the Catholic Church.
Ever since that day, I’ve been on a journey of reconnecting with my faith. Apart from attending mass, I also find peace in praying the rosary. I try to pray the rosary every morning before heading to school or work, and after finishing prayer I always feel calmer and more confident in myself.
Returning to my faith has allowed me to find clarity in a life filled with academic stress. When I start to become overwhelmed with schoolwork, exams, projects, etc., I remember that I’m not alone. I turn to prayer, not to ask for good grades but for peace no matter the outcome.
My journey back to God didn’t happen one day to another. I’m still navigating my way through this journey. Faith hasn’t solved all my problems, but it has reminded me that I’m not facing them alone. God is always by my side. For anyone feeling distant from their faith and working to reconnect with it, remember that everyone’s journey is unique. Sometimes, it’s in the quiet moments when we finally hear the calling that’s been waiting for us all along.