The months of November and December, full of holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve, are supposed to be magical. Families and friends are meant to be full of excitement as they count down the days until they can gather and feel joyful together. As I’ve grown older though, my personal feelings about the holidays have grown more conflicted.
When I was younger, I absolutely loved the holiday season. Seeing pretty lights, going ice skating with friends, watching movies with my siblings, and visiting Christmas Village in Philadelphia made it the most exciting time of the year.
I remember rushing home from school on December 23rd every year in elementary school, exhilarated after a day of watching The Polar Express in my pajamas and ready to start Christmas break on a high note.
I also remember going to annual holiday parties for years afterward that left me feeling depleted, as I was asked questions about my future plans that I didn’t know the answers to and overheard hurtful comments about other family members and friends.
The holiday season is supposed to be full of love and laughter, right? Merry and bright? Lots of yuletide joy going around? Yet when it comes time for an actual holiday, I’m often left feeling disheartened.
I get so caught up in all the excitement surrounding this season, that by the time a holiday comes around, I’m taken off guard by all the chaos that comes with it. I tend to place such high expectations on holidays and how happy everyone will be that I find myself feeling conflicted when an inevitable disaster strikes.
With pets running around everywhere, family members I could’ve sworn I’ve never met before arguing over events that happened a decade ago, and uncomfortable dresses being donned, it has always been easy for me to feel overwhelmed during these more “festive” moments. I picture happy family gatherings so clearly in my head that when I am met by the tense situations holidays bring up, I experience feelings of anxiety that seem to have no place by a Christmas tree.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to realize patterns not only in my family but in others’ as well. It seems that the holidays, times that are meant to bring us together and promote happiness, are stressors for many people I know. The holidays have people trying to plan events around already-busy work schedules, attempting to afford all the expected gifts and traditions, and hoping to not receive any rude remarks or invasive questions from distant relatives they only see twice a year.
Everyone has their own things going on that might make the holidays difficult, and it’s been helpful to learn that I’m not alone in my feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious. However, I still find myself feeling worried about the upcoming festivities.
So, this year I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands and make the holidays as good as possible for myself.
When I approached my first major hurdle, Thanksgiving, I tried to remember that I didn’t have to put myself in a situation I didn’t want to be in. If I don’t feel excited by the idea of going to dinner, then I can make other arrangements while still being respectful of my relatives’ plans. It is important to spend holidays surrounded by positive energy, so being intentional in what I decide to do that day will be key to preserving my own mental well-being.
Christmas and New Years will be an entirely different set of hurdles to get by, but I think it is most important to stay true to myself this holiday season. When preparing for Christmas, I’ll focus on what brings me joy, rather than ruminating about everything that could go wrong. Instead of worrying about a holiday party, I’ll spend more time decorating and doing things that put me in the true Christmas spirit.
Will things go wrong during the holidays? Probably. But it’s important to remember that the only things I can control are myself and how I react to any chaotic situations. I can protect my peace by setting boundaries and avoiding conversations that make me uncomfortable. I can take breaks from family gatherings when things get too overwhelming. And I can let myself feel excited about the holidays again.
I’m already beginning to feel a bit excited about the holiday season, and I’m hoping to keep that feeling going. I’m confident that this season will be a better one, and as long as I let myself have a bit of grace and allow myself to relax, it should be a breeze to get through.