Most will say time heals all. Or that there’s plenty of fish in the sea. They might even tell you how young you are, and how much time you have, to find someone to love. None of these comments have guided me into healing after a breakup. Most of those remarks that are supposed to make us feel less alone do the opposite. So, I have created a mini list of things to do for yourself to heal after a breakup. These tips can be applied to romantic or platonic relationships.
A separation is never easy, but through personal experience, I’ve been able to build some easy steps to aid anyone into healing post break up. The three main tools that have supported me through healing have to be, a strong support system and leaning on existing ones, clearing your space, and taking as much time as needed.
After a breakup, most feel isolated. This is most likely due to losing the partner we once shared everything with. The most important thing one can do is surround oneself with a support system. If you don’t already have one in place, after a breakup is a great time to build one. Talk to your elders, let them preach their wisdom to you. Then go talk to a friend, laugh it all out, maybe cry too. Don’t pressure these conversations, but allow yourself to feel all that you’re going through and accept the guidance from people around you to lead you through the healing process. More importantly, we must be a support for ourselves too. Limit negative self-talk and wandering thoughts. Practice mindfulness and release your tensions. Let yourself heal in various ways; rebuild the temple in which you live.
To feel and talk through the ending of a relationship is hard enough. So, once you’ve conquered that, your emotions should feel more stable. It’s easier said than done, but to distract yourself is the easiest way to not let these emotions consume your day. Some of the best advice I’d ever gotten was to use emotions and feelings one experiences as a tool. Take all the energy you have draining into hardships, and redirect it. The key is to release what we are feeling when we distract ourselves, not ignore it and bury it. The best ways to do this are through physical movement or creative endeavors.
The hardest thing of all, at least for me, is what to do with their things. The miscellaneous t-shirts, hoodies and photos. Some prefer to do this immediately but do it gradually. Don’t rush yourself into moving on, just try not to sulk in it. Sometimes it’s best to create a space where you can keep these items that remind you of the past, or if you prefer to return them to the owner or donate them. I don’t recommend being spiteful if it is unnecessary. Material and items can hold energy and memories, so if you prefer not to feel what something might hold, let it go. By placing the memories into a space where you no longer have to see or feel them daily enables the healing to continue.
All in all, healing takes time and can be achieved by doing many things. The key is to find what feels right for you and your situation. Healing isn’t linear, but it is vital that we remember to not be hard on ourselves at low points, and know that everything is in your control, if you let it be.