Grieving a Loved One in College

Processing the death of someone you love is hard enough, doing it while trying to also study for an exam is even harder. 

In September, I lost someone very special to me, my grandpa. He wasn’t an ordinary grandpa that you see occasionally, like on holidays and birthdays. He was more like a parent; he helped my dad raise my sister and me.  

He was the person who would drop me off when I was late for school, picked up food for lunch, and constantly gave me the love and support I needed to grow. He was a total family man and was always there when someone needed him.  

Having such a strong relationship with him made his death excruciatingly painful and put a total halt on my life as well as my academics. 

With midterms and other important assignments coming up, traveling back home for his funeral and not being in class became an added stressor. Thankfully, Temple has the CARE team, a group of individuals who are here to support students through a crisis.  

I was able to contact CARE and have them notify professors about my absence. It lifted a weight off my shoulders for a bit, but the looming anxiety of going back to school and immersing myself in academics so soon after my grandpa’s death stayed on my mind. 

The funeral was hard; I’d been to funerals before, but never for anyone I loved, and lived with for all my life. The days were full of a lot of pain, sadness, and wanting to have just one more conversation with him.  

In the background, a montage of my grandfather played to the song “For the Good Times,” his signature karaoke song. Now when I hear the song, my heart fills with sadness but also love for him and our good times together. 

I was home for ten days until I came back to school. The first week back I went through the motions of class and assignments. I cried and listened to “For the Good Times” and voicemails of him a lot during that week, trying to feel some sort of closeness to him. 

Being far away from my family didn’t help, I couldn’t grieve and talk to them the same way I would if I were with them. My friends were there for me and gave me the space to share how I was feeling, but it was difficult with them not knowing him personally.  

Thankfully, cell phones exist, and I was able to call my family when I felt sad and cried to my dad about the loss a lot. My professors were also very accommodating and gave me time to make up assignments. It was hard to get back into the swing of things but everyone around me here at college has been supportive and caring. 

It’s been a month since he passed away. It’s early on in my grieving process so I still feel very heavy and raw feelings surrounding his death, but the sadness has already become less frequent.  

With the holidays coming up I know that going home again will be difficult, but I know he would want my family to enjoy our time together.  

Being in college while grieving has been difficult to manage and get the hang of, but the support system I have through my friends, family, and boyfriend along with the CARE team and Tuttleman counseling have made this process a lot easier.  

The biggest takeaway I have from being a student while going through something extremely difficult is to be resilient but also give yourself time to process your sadness.