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Don’t Try to Find Love; Let it Come to You

To my uncommitted ladies in the area, raise your hand if you’re single and ready to mingle. (*Cue notifications from three different dating apps just to add to the extra cheesiness)

Actually forget the mingling part, the focus here is working on being single.

Valentine's Day is around the corner and you might be trying to find that special someone to spend the ‘day’ with. So how do you find them?

Do you walk around campus holding up a sign stating how desperately single you are? Do you scope out your favorite class to hopefully lock eyes with that cute guy in the back of the room? Do you raise your hand in class and make sure to say your first name—not for the professor to remember but for a guy to look you up on Canvas and hopefully slide into your canvas dms?

Or, like most of our generation, do you create a profile on apps such as Bumble or Tinder or Chappie and start swiping through profiles hoping to find a connection with someone. Someone that provides some type of decent conversation, one that’s funny, and a profile picture that has you reevaluating your standards.

It seems dating apps became quite popular for our generation to find someone to be with—not just nonchalant hook ups. It’s cliché but it’s nice to want to cuddle someone after a brutal exam or hold hands at the scary parts of the movie or get intimate in bed with.

However, do dating apps truly help you find that partner for a relationship? Are the people on there looking for the same thing as you? Dating apps are misleading because most apps create advertisement that suggest you can find your partner for life on them, and that probably does happen...about ten percent of the time. The other 90 percent are people that you don’t have an interest in. You may find them initially attractive but conversations are flatter than pancakes or they’re just looking to hookup.

By deciding to use a dating app you are signing yourself up for many opportunities of confusion, annoyance, entertainment and being the ghostee and the ghoster. Companies portray their apps as the hotspot of love but they forget to mention the spotty signal. It can make dating a discouraging part of your life. You can start to second guess yourself because of unlucky encounters on these apps or give up on love altogether.

Now, this doesn’t mean delete every dating app on your phone but don’t depend on them to find love. You can find love in the most unexpected ways. At a concert, at the dentist, in line at Starbucks or at a restaurant when you are on a date with the guy from Bumble yet you find your waiter way more interesting.

You can guess who gets the second date at the end of the night.

Moral of the story: love isn't easy but that doesn’t mean it's not attainable. Nor does it have to be found through a dating app. It will find you when you are ready. In the meantime, for this upcoming Valentine’s Day pay homage to yourself. Show love to your friends and family. Send flowers to yourself at work. Buy your mom those chocolates she adores. Take your friend to see that movie they been dying to go to. Black Panther comes out Valentine’s weekend and I strongly recommend seeing it.

Be your own Valentine this year or hang out with a friend that day but don’t feel incompetent if you are unable to secure a date.

You’ll find the right one you just have to make a better sign for your walks around campus.

––Kemi Jackson


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