Trigger Warning: This article contains mentions of domestic violence.
“Playing the woman of steel, who is supposed to be the strongest woman on earth, and in my private life, I was living a nightmare,” Melissa Benoist said during an interview on Really Famous with Kara Mayer Robinson.
Melissa Benoist is an American actress and singer, best known for her roles as Marley Rose on Glee and Kara Danvers on Supergirl. On November 27, 2019, Benoist shared a video saying that she was a survivor of domestic violence. Although she did not name her former partner in the video, it was later revealed when her ex-husband, Blake Jenner, released a statement stating that he did abuse her.
Since this reveal, Melissa has been a proud advocate for supporting domestic violence victims and getting therapy if one needs it. She’s gone on many different interviews where she mentions how wonderful having a therapist is and the value of having one.
The United States Department of Justice gives a clear definition of what domestic violence is: “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.”
Based on this definition, any consistent violent acts committed by one partner against another are considered domestic violence. Despite that, it’s also important not to brush off one-time incidents or even put them off as “drunken mistakes”.
Abuse isn’t always immediately physical violence; it can start in smaller ways that one may not notice at first.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, some signs of abusive behavior are extreme jealousy, preventing/discouraging one from spending time with friends or family, controlling finances in the household, preventing one from making their own decisions, or pressuring one into sexual acts that they are not comfortable with.
Noticing the small things early on can make a huge difference in getting out of the situation before it gets worse.
One question I’ve seen a lot is: Why don’t people leave when they’re in a domestic violence situation?
There are a lot of different answers to that question.
One may be under financial abuse and don’t have any money to leave, they could have children that they have to worry about taking or leaving them behind, and many other possible reasons.
According to a paper from Florida State University, some victims even worry that if they leave, the violence would spread to their close friends and family who may be helping them.
In my opinion, if you have any reason to believe that a close friend or family member is a victim of domestic violence, there are a list of things you can do to help. Getting them access to resources, helping them move into a domestic violence shelter, or even letting them stay with you is a wonderful first step.
Helping them create a safe escape plan is also a priority if getting them out isn’t immediately possible. Once they’re away, getting a restraining order, contacting the police, or moving as far away as possible may be a good step to keep them separated from the abuser.
But in my opinion, the most important thing is to believe them, and support & validate their experiences.
Call 1-800-799-7233 to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline or text BEGIN to 88788 if you are unable to call. For more local resources, call 1-866-723-3014 or visit Women Against Abuse for Philadelphia-based resources. Remember, you are not alone.