We’re back with our next set of questions and answers from yours truly. I am more than elated that you all have been submitting thought-provoking questions. This week, I will be answering some more questions that I hope will be both helpful and beneficial to everyone in some way. With that being said, let’s just get to it.
Anonymous asked: I like a guy in a relationship. I don’t know if he’s happy but I know he could do better. I see him on campus in the sac all the time in his paint uniform looking sad so I don’t think his girl is treating him right, he been done dirty a couple times by mad girls on campus too what to do?
This may have been one of the most interesting questions I’ve received this week. I do have a question for you, though. Why do you assume that the reason he always looks sad is because of his girlfriend? He may actually be down because of other reasons. I feel like you may just have a crush on him and that is why you came up with the assumption that his girlfriend is the issue. I’m not trying to downplay your opinion at all but sometimes we create things in our mind to make situations better for ourselves. For example, I had the biggest crush on a girl in high school but I never approached her because I was afraid that she’d reject me. Instead of facing it, I created other reasons for why I did not approach her so that I felt better about the situation. This is similar to what you seem to be doing. You like the guy and you see that he looks like he is not happy. Because you like him, you come up with your own conclusion. This can be a dangerous thing because the more you conclude, the more you believe in it. I do not know how close you are with this guy but you could always find out what his issue is. So what do you do? This is just my opinion on the situation, but I would suggest that you don’t intervene in his love life because he already is involved with someone else. There is no harm in expressing your concern if you and this guy are friends. If not, do not intervene; especially because you like him.
Anonymous asked: Does the “friend-zone” even exist? I feel like most of the time it’s just guys who are throwing fits over girls not liking them and the same guys think being nice to a girl means that they’re owed sex. Isn’t it just the same as unrequited love?
Awesome question. I strongly believe that the friend-zone does exist. I’ve seen it happen to many people and I’ve friend-zoned a few women myself. It’s quite simple. Sometimes your feelings for someone just aren’t as strong as theirs may be for you. I do understand where you are coming from. It all depends on the people who are involved and what their intentions are. When it comes to being nice, you have to think about what being nice truly represents. Chivalry is courteous behavior. So if someone is being nice to someone because they feel like they are owed sex, they are not really nice or chivalrous. That represents someone with ulterior motives and doesn’t exemplify the true meaning of “Nice”. I believe that a nice person is someone that does things out of the kindness of their own heart with no expectation of rewards or bonuses. So yes, the friend-zone does exists in my mind but there could definitely be some guys out there that may not be truly genuine because they have other motives. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as “not reciprocated or returned in kind.” With this being said, I can see why you would think it is the same as the friend-zone. But unrequited love is a stronger statement than people think. You could be friend-zoned without actually loving someone. You may just have an interest in someone that doesn’t have the same type of interest in you. I agree that the friend-zone represents an unrequited relationship, but not necessarily love all of the time. I hope I got that across to you clearly.
Anonymous asked: I’ve made a bit of a reputation for myself as “easy” on campus, how do I get a guy to take me seriously?
Thank you for this question. In these days and times (especially in college), impressions of a person can be long lasting. You say that you’ve made a reputation for yourself as “easy” on campus. Honestly, everyone will react to this differently and people are definitely going to have their own opinions (good and bad) of you based on what you show them. The way to get a guy to take you seriously is to show that you’ve changed and are working towards something different. Unfortunately, reputations stick with some people so it may take some time. Everyone is different though. There will be so many guys out there that may like you, but you have to be serious if you desire to be taken seriously. Be genuine with yourself when it comes to what you want to be portrayed as in life. Date a guy and make him work and show you respect before you take the next steps. Some guys do not like to put in the work, but there are those guys that will have no choice but to respect your personal beliefs and choices. You can change that reputation over time if you’re serious enough about it. The truth is that everyone has a past and does things they may not be the proudest about. If you do not like being represented as “easy,” conduct yourself otherwise and show an interested guy that you are serious about things. Always self-evaluate who you are and what you desire to be in life so that you can prevent making choices that negatively reflect who you are. Best wishes.
Anonymous asked: Why don’t men have feelings? I honestly feel like they don’t.
Ahaha. I knew that this question would eventually surface. EVERYONE has feelings. Some men just have a difficult time or prefer not to show how they’re feeling. You have to think about society and the portrayal of the man. Men are taught to be strong and not to complain, even when things are not going right. Some men are actually more sensitive and in tune with their emotions than you may believe. I just believe that the way we are raised tells us to sort of mask our emotions and just handle our business. As a man, I think that it’s hard to be the one to always express everything outwardly because we like to depend on ourselves and fix whatever we need to. Some people also grow up in households where emotions are expressed differently. Many men are also private when it comes to feelings. They could be expressing feeling in a different manner than you are use to. With this being said, men have a different way of showing feelings than women, even if it comes off as if we do not have feelings. Try to learn about the men you are dealing with and maybe they’ll open up to you a little more. No one is emotionless.
Don’t forget to keep the questions coming! Send them anonymously to ask.fm/askizzyhctu or use the hashtag #AskIzzy on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram!