My stomach’s been grumbling for food that hasn’t been cooked in a university dining hall, pre-packaged in the nearest North Philly convenience store, or plucked from the frozen aisle at Trader Joe’s (No offense to TJ’s, you’re makeshift meals are great) since college move-in, basically.
With Thanksgiving break only a few days away, my dreams are practically infused with the smell of oven roasted turkey breast and cranberry sauce – lots of cranberry sauce, because that’s my favorite – and the sound of clinking wine glasses (because my parents buy the good stuff, obviously).
So, as my fingers cramp and spasm over my keyboard at the Tech Center, I can’t help but be thankful for the delicious meals and friendly faces that will greet me in the days to come. Which works in my advantage, really, as my family has a strict “you can’t sit with us” policy, if you can’t come up with at least one thing that you are thankful for at the holiday meal.
But, while I love the good eats and good company of the season, it’s no secret that Thanksgiving-thankfulness (for lack of a better description) can be a little cliché as well.
Because despite all the goodness the holiday brings, there are many things to not be thankful for as well. Like, my fingers are cramping and spasming over my keyboard, to name a first.
Since I know you’re all thinking it, I took the liberty of getting the bad vibes out now, to spare you from doing so on Thursday night, while you’re passing Grandma the potatoes. Here are the top ten things we are definitely NOT thankful for this Thanksgiving.
1. Finals
Due to the fact that I mentioned my aching fingers twice in the above paragraphs, I really hope you saw this one coming. Despite some rare gems, most professors take a perverted sort of joy from assigning final projects, term papers, or any form of academic work over Thanksgiving break. Since I’m planning to use my time away from school to ignore responsibilities and focus solely on napping and snacking my mental and spiritual wellbeing, I am one hundred percent not thankful for any long-term assignments.
2. Frost Bite
The holiday spirit is oh-so-cheery, and apple cider is oh-so-good, but personally, I’ve never been a fan of shivering. As it’s too early for snow just yet (although we never really know what’s happening with the weather) cold days don’t indicate pretty scenery, they just suck (sorry). Additionally, if you’re like me and don’t have your winter jacket with you at school yet, it’s a struggle to make due with layering sweatshirts over each other for warmth. Hopefully I’ll be a more enjoyable person once I retrieve said jacket, but until then I’m bitter and unthankful.
3. Politics
Yeah, this is a tough one. Our university’s been through a few rough patches recently, as has our country, as has our world. Mental health, physical health, shootings, and revolting nations are all intertwined in our current political climate. Needless to say, it isn’t exactly pretty – kind of like the cold. I’m fine, you’re fine, we’re all fine. But we’re also not.
4. Political Conversations
Nothing gets under my skin more than uncomfortable political brawls conversations at the dinner table. At a holiday gathering like Thanksgiving, chances are you will have guests with differing political views in your home. I know I will. I’m sure you love them, and respect them, but also want to make sure they are served extra large spoonfuls of mashed potatoes to smother their voices when they talk.
5. The “So what are you planning to do with that?” Question
In high school, we were asked where we planned to go to college. Now that that question has been answered, it’s our new duty to inform each family member about what major we are studying, and, more importantly, what we plan on doing with that. Thankfully for me, journalism is a straight shot to success and brings in big bucks – just kidding. In these conversations, I find it best to keep my answers brief and switch the focus to another sibling at the dinner table.
6. The “Do you have a boyfriend yet?” Question
I’m not sure if this one is used more as an insult, or so my grandmother can gloat about all the boys who swooned after her in fifth grade. Either way, I’m not thankful for it. It’s 2017, grandma. I went to college to earn a good GPA, ready myself for a job, and maybe even change the world along the way (who knows). Not to waste my time with some fuckboi who won’t text back.
7. Awkward High School Encounters
It’s always a gamble to see which high school acquaintance you might run into on a last-minute-turkey-run. But, it’s almost guaranteed to be someone you don’t want to see. I’d cast my vote for the girl who cut you out of the sophomore year friend group, or your ex-boyfriend’s mom. Either way, I’m sure you were hoping for literally any other scenario.
8. Losing Loved Ones
For some of us, the holidays bring sad memories as well as happy ones. It may be our first year celebrating without a family member, or we may realize that it could be our last time celebrating with someone else. My family said goodbye to my grandfather last Thanksgiving, and while death is part of the circle of life, it’s hard to be thankful about losing someone so great.
9. Food Comas
The Thanksgiving feast is all fun and games until one uncle gets too drunk and another passes out on the couch. Even if the alcohol doesn’t do you in this holiday, the aftermath of gorging yourself with food is hardly as pleasant as the eating process. I’d say a good 30/40 minutes after the meal is when the aches set in – although they can usually be ignored if someone is serving dessert – so your insides will definitely not be thanking you for this one. But hey, at least we can all suffer together. And honestly, I doubt any of us will have severe regrets. I might strike this from the list later.
10. Going back to school
Going back to school after Thanksgiving break is kind of like taking a hot, relaxing, shower, and then immediately running outside in the cold. I’m shivering writing this. Brutal. We’re pampered and plumped up and worry-free, and then BAM: happy finals season. The only thing good about going back to school after one break is counting down the days until our next one. Well, and parties, and friends, and distance from our politically-incorrect relatives. Maybe it won’t be so bad.
Whether you’re satisfied with those ten, or are looking to throw a little more shade, make sure your own pessimism doesn’t drag you down with it.
Take that nap, chew that turkey, and don’t let anyone else’s opinion of your major, politics, or relationship status take away from your Thanksgiving day.