Yellow to red. The lights blink before me as my mind takes a turn for the deepest part of my hidden secrets. It begins to conjure up the memories of you and the memories of how much I used to care. My heart seems to shatter just a little more as the red light carries on with no worry about me. The stop light inside my head ticks faster. I get more impatient for I can’t get past the stories of you I keep playing again and again. I need a green light. I need to move on. Even if my mind hits another red light, which it probably will, at least for now I would be able to forget for an hour or so. I shiver at the thought of my own mind defying me. I used to enjoy defiance. I liked the feeling I would get being wrapped up in rebel plans; nothing could ever live up to the feeling of defying gravity. But I believe that may be fine for not every good thing is good for you. My head dances from subject to subject, but they always contain you. I always ask why you. Why those memories. The mind smiles at me, almost mocking my side questions and once again taking over. Forcing me to relinquish the small power I once had. The red light continues on; no second glance my way. The explosion of thoughts happened quickly, I was sitting on your bed, waiting on you. I was always waiting. Waiting for you to change, waiting for you to love me. You came out of the bathroom when that smile appeared on your face. I am still, in present day, being haunted by that smile. You are the ghost of my past and you spend your time taking over my own mind and ultimately my whole body is involved in everything it shouldn’t be. I try to fight it everyday, but you always appear like it is your job to perform. The red from the stoplight is becoming too bright, I question if I’ll ever be able to come out of this alive. My obituary will read: died from a broken heart and a chaotic mind. Months have passed as I sit here at this unending red light; my whole life has stalled. Nothing has mattered to me. Thankfully though, I see the bright red begin to fade, as I seem to care less and less about your appearance in my mind. I can see you fighting now. Fighting to stay relevant to me, but as I have found out, you don’t control me. I will make it through without you and my smile will one day intoxicate the world again. Thank you for showing me what I don’t need and what I can live without. Thank you for insisting with your cruel words that I am the only one that gets to love all of myself. I am shielded, but in a beautiful way. More well experienced in the realm of love. My mind is becoming apart of me again, no longer haunted by the ghost of you, the ghost of my past poisons. Red to green. The lights blink before me as my mind surrenders its power. It begins to conjure up only incredible thoughts of who I am. My heart stitches itself up and decides to carry on through this amazing life I have created. Defiance can be beautiful if put in the hands of those who deserve it most. I now know you aren’t that person. For a ghost should never grasp you completely that you lose sleep. I no longer need a green for my life is made up of them. I am home free finally. I have once again escaped a pile up, a traffic jam, of my own creation.