Being a junior in college means I have a lot of experience under my belt. I’ve learned how to limit my procrastination habits, wake up without hitting snooze five times (we’re down to two), and how to talk my way around a question without actually knowing the answer. While that’s been fun and all, there are a few things that I haven’t experienced. One of those being my first kiss.
Yes, I know, it’s shocking to meet someone in college who has never been kissed before. For a while, I felt as though I had to defend myself and my reasons for never doing so. I thought people would look at me weirdly, so I’d end up explaining my life story as to why I have never gotten my first kiss. I know a lot of people experience their first kiss in high school (or younger), so sometimes it seems strange, even to myself, as to why I have held back. Maybe to some people it isn’t a big deal but, to me, it is.
First of all, I know it’s not going to be perfect. I’ve heard all the horror stories, and I’m sure I won’t be an exception. That being said, I am not someone who buys into the “hookup culture” that we have developed. I am not opposed to people who partake in it, but I cannot see myself being an active member. From my experience, many college students tend to follow this idea and, while they may enjoy it, it is not something that I want to participate in.
Second of all, I grew up with a family that told me to not date before graduating high school. Unlike some people I know, I actually listened to them. Honestly, I was too focused on making real friends and on my AP classes than on boys and romantic love. They were never a priority for me, so it makes sense as to why I have never been kissed. When I came to TCU (I transferred), I felt as though I was in the right state-of-mind to begin dating. The only problem with that is the fact that many students in my class tend to be girls, and a majority of the campus tends to be female as well. That just makes it harder to meet guys, especially if you’re like me and are not part of the Greek system.
Third of all, I tend to be shy in large social settings, especially if guys are involved. I think I’ve gotten so used to not paying any guy attention that I have become oblivious to flirting. I really won’t know anything unless someone tells me, directly, that they like me. Along with that, I’m also a little introverted. I’ve actually had people tell me that they don’t believe me because I am fine with one-on-one conversations and in class discussions, but I actually don’t like being with a large group of people. I guess I don’t like making small talk with a bunch of strangers. I prefer to have meaningful conversations and try to get to know someone, rather than speak with them in order to pass the time.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it’s okay to have never been kissed. I don’t care if people think it’s strange. Why should I have to prove myself to some stranger who I will probably never see again? Your real friends won’t care that you have never done it either. If they pressure you or say that something is wrong with you, let them go. You don’t need to surround yourself with negativity. You deserve more than that. You also deserve to feel ready. Don’t give into it because you feel like you have to. Give yourself a break. Learn to love yourself. I believe that everything will fall into place if you just let it be.