This past weekend I had the blessing of attending Exodus, a two day retreat filled with speakers from local churches, many small group chats, and oh yeah… three beautiful baptisms!! (ya know, casual!) It was a time I will look back on and cherish like crazy – GOD’s presence, His love, and peace, and JOY, were present all throughout Camp Copass. To say I enjoyed my time at Exodus is an understatement x10. This past weekend I was given clarity – something I didn’t even realize I needed! As you read on, I hope GOD can use what I say to reveal His love. Because honestly I felt so adored these past few days, and I just want so badly for you to feel as cherished, as valued, and as adequate as I did …and still do!
“Anxiety comes from putting your identity into temporary things. If GOD is your identity, stress goes away.” – Pastor Eric, McKinney Church
Stress. COLLEGE IS SO STRESSFUL. Wait, but why?! I had never felt stressed prior to college. What was the root of all my stress? Ask me a week ago, I would’ve said my grades, and how classes are kicking my butt, oh, and the fact that time seems to literally disappear a little more every day. I probably would have thrown in the fact that due to studying 24/7, I feel as though I have no time to make any awesome friends and no time to spend focusing on my faith. Though these are all valid “stressors” they aren’t the true and actual root for my anxiety. This stress I had been feeling was because I had been putting my identity, my full blown identity, into my grades and into the desire for people to “like” me. It was upon this realization though that the stress literally went away, and peace took its place. A peace that I can only explain as GOD’s presence. So overwhelming. So assuring. And so comforting!! It was like GOD gave me this “ah hah” moment right then and there: my identity wasn’t in God anymore, and I hadn’t even realized it. Prior to college, prior to the difficult transition, and prior to losing sight of God as my identity, I didn’t know how much rest, security, and peace His love truly supplied in my life. I’ve heard the saying, and probably you have too, about a million times: “Your faith is strengthened when times get tough,” but honestly I never gave it much thought. However, looking back on the last five or so weeks of my time here at TCU, it’s literally so crazy to see how applicable this overused saying is! Trials are a blessing. Y’all, they are! I see that now and its semi mind-blowing. Okay, say I hadn’t struggled way more than I anticipated with my school work, and say my social life had taken off just like I had dreamed of. Let’s just pretend I was currently living my freshman year as a stellar student and also one super social butterfly. Would I have ever stopped to realize how import finding a church home was? Or how essential it is to not only have a strong personal faith in college, but to also find that community of life-giving, happy-hearted believers, who are there to walk, pray, and just love you? Would I have even come to Exodus!? I know myself pretty well, and I can tell you right now had college gone just as I had planned, had I not had to face obstacles like the shockingly hard curriculum, or difficulty of not finding my future bridesmaids right off the bat (I mean, pssh that’s totally normal), there’s a good chance I’d be walking around TCU right now with an identity rooted in worldly things.
I see now that I’m right where I should be. Wow. I believe GOD put these little road blocks in my pathway to get me to stop and realize just how important seeking out substance is during freshmen year. GOD’s love is substance. It’s transformational and just so abundant. It literally changed my mindset on college. No lie. I see now I don’t want to live a life where good grades and a pretty image satisfies my happiness. Living with that mindset and with those thoughts only results in the stress I was talking about earlier. Ya know why? Because those are not life giving. They’ll never supply me with inner fulfillment or true joy. I don’t want to live a life where a bad grade has the power to dictate the kind of day I have, or a life where looking outwardly “put together” overshadows feeling void of purpose on the inside. No ma’am! I want a life where, yes, classes are hard and clothes are cute, but goodness gracious they aren’t my source of fulfillment and they SURE as heck are not my identity! I want GOD as my identity, because with GOD as my identity, my stress, and my fear literally goes away. Oh, and remember when I was saying earlier that time seems to literally vanish and I feel as though I have no time to get anything done? Well, not having that heaviness of stress and that burden of feeling inadequate literally makes my days feel twice as long. I don’t lie. I can’t explain it but, it’s just so true. God’s love changes your view point on your day, on yourself, and also on your purpose. GOD’s love instills in you the desire to go love others. It gives you the confidence needed to just do life. With Him as my rock I feel adequate, loved, capable, and yes, filled with purpose. So this purpose? What is it exactly? 1 John 4:7 says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” So, it’s simple. I am blessed to be able to wake up and just love like Jesus loves me! This is my identity – and it was at Exodus I was able to find the clarity to see crystal, crystal clear!
What a weekend! Who knew two days could be jam packed with so much fun: everything from impromptu dance parties, lakeside reflections with new friends, picture worthy sunsets, untoasted yet super delicious s’mores, amazing worship, and just rekindled connections with Christ, this weekend for sure did not lack excitement! This getaway was oh so needed and oh so recharging. I now see clearer than ever what greatness lies ahead for both me (and YOU!!) There’s so much positivity to come these next four years, because in His grip, we are always equipped. Possibilities are endless and so is His LOVE!!