In honor of the Olivia Rodrigo x Lancome tour bus coming to the TCU campus, I wanted to honor one of my favorite songs of hers: “Teenage Dream.” However, I feel like I should issue a warning at the beginning of this article. It’s going to be a bit more serious and personal than some of my articles in the past. So, if you want to read about a girl thinking really hard about what it means to be a teenager as the clock ticks toward her 19th birthday, read on and enjoy, I guess.
When the song name “Teenage Dream” is mentioned, I feel as though there are two songs people think of. The more common one is Katy Perry. An upbeat, fun anthem that equates her love to this youthful exuberance that only seems to exist as a teenager. This wild and young and free mindset. This song makes me feel nostalgic for something that I haven’t even experienced. Especially the video. Like yes, I do want to dance and sing while driving down a highway next to the beach in a convertible. That sounds like the life. But it’s also like the Instagram vs. reality trend, with Katy Perry’s song representing the idealized Instagram reality. Sure, some people really do live this teenage dream, but I feel like most people I know would relate more to Olivia’s version, which is where my existential ruminations come in.
I had the privilege to see Olivia live in concert back home on her Guts tour, and it was one of the most cathartic and impactful experiences of my, albeit short, life. It was a surreal experience. There I was, sandwiched between my “lacy” and my friend who always loved “lacy” more than she loved me. I love the song “lacy” because I feel like it perfectly describes the twisted obsession that can form in friendships. It’s a mixture of loathing and jealousy, love and grief. Loathing that she had the audacity to ruin our friendship, and jealous that even though she was the villain, people still liked her more than me. But ultimately, there was still love, because she was still my best friend. Grief over the loss of our friendship that meant so much to me but ended up meaning nothing to her. It was a time of a lot of conflicting emotions, so at that concert, I made a pledge to myself to let it go. I would scream and cry and feel everything I had been feeling for months all in a cacophony of emotions culminating in this one concert, and then it would be done. I would move on and realize that better, healthier friendships were on my horizon. And so, I did, and so they were.
But every time I hear “Teenage Dream,” Olivia’s song, I feel everything I felt then. This song is hard because it manages to capture the deep yearning to grow up, break free of the cage of youth, and finally live the promise of adulthood that we hear about throughout childhood. “You can do whatever you want, be whoever you want when you get older.” And so, we hold on to that promise. But we also feel this existential fear once we have indeed gotten older. We hear songs like Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” and watch shows that tell us how fun high school is. And we worry about what we’ve missed. Was there some sort of secret code we never read that taught us what we were supposed to do in high school to live that teenage dream? What is it about being a teenager that spawns all the songs, shows, movies, the endless content about how fun being a teenager is? They tell us to enjoy our youth because everything is serious and boring once you’re an adult. Olivia ends this song with a plea: “They all say that it gets better the more you grow, it gets better, but what if I don’t?” I can still feel myself standing, screaming, sobbing through those lyrics at the concert, feeling so utterly alone, hugging myself while “lacy” and my friend hugged each other.
Looking back, almost exactly one year later, I can say with confidence that it does get better. I would tell my younger self, who was on the cusp of turning 18, that life gets better. Friends come and go, but as long as you hold on to what’s important to you, the right people will find you. It all feels so hard and overwhelming when you’re going through it, but looking back, you’ll find that those experiences have helped you find peace now. I can’t promise that life gets perfect when you go to college. There are still very real struggles that you can go through, including loneliness, which can feel pervasive. But there’s also freedom. Such a joyful freedom. I would say that ultimately, as I sit here on the cusp of turning 19, the teenage dream is overrated. Life truly does only get better as you grow.