The Bachelor is of course known for its dramatics, and this week’s episode did not disappoint. Sitting down to watch the episode, I was anticipating a good episode. After all, it was week five, there were only eleven girls left, and I have clearly designated my top and bottom contenders (my bottom contender being the obviously most hated contestant). So, as the clock struck seven o’clock, I thought I was ready for another week of my favorite reality show. I wasn’t. There was drama, there were tears, there was romance, and then there was even more drama. Honestly, I can’t even begin to believe what all happened in Mexico City, but here is my reaction to the craziest The Bachelor episode this season.
1. When the girls toasted to finding love in Mexico.
Here’s to you girls and another crazy week on The Bachelor.
2. When Olivia, within the first five minutes of the show, proclaimed her love for Ben.
Are you kidding me Olivia??? You’ve known him five weeks and haven’t even gone on a one-on-one yet!! You’re crazy!! You are so, so crazy.
3. When Ben woke the girls up at 4:30 in the morning.
I think everyone could relate to Lauren H in this moment. FYI Ben, 4:30 AM is not when these women are in “their element.”
4. Even better, when one of the girls referred to Ben as “our boyfriend, Ben” in the wee hours of the morning.
I’m glad you see comradery in this because Jubilee definitely doesn’t.
5. When I began to realize that Jubilee didn’t completely understand the premise of The Bachelor.
Can you please tell me who goes on The Bachelor without understanding that you are literally competing against multiple women for a guy’s love and affection? Can you please explain this to Jubilee who obviously wanted Ben to give her attention but pulls away when he does?
6. I especially enjoyed when Olivia felt the Spanish phrases Ben repeated to all nine girls on the group date meant so much more when said to her.
I mean obviously Ben and Olivia are on different wave lengths so she probably picks up more of the special code he’s sending her than the rest of us average intellectuals, but seriously? C’mon Olivia.
7. The Olivia-Jubilee standoff over who would partner with Ben had me like:
Girls… You’re better than this. Or at least I tell myself that in order to stay sane while watch the show. But then Olivia won the standoff because she “claimed” Ben first. He’s a man Olivia, not the front seat of your mom’s minivan.
8. Ben is “The Spatchelor?” What?
Yep. I definitely got secondhand embarrassment from that one.
9. But then as the group date progressed, I began to see things were not looking bright for our dear Jubs.
But it had obviously come to light that Jubilee was not cut out for The Bachelor lifestyle. When Ben realized this, things got crazy.
10. How I felt during the awkward silence that ensued when Jubilee asked Ben if he could still see a future with her.
Yikes. That was rough. Really rough.
11. But then this is my reaction when I realized that Ben was actually sending Jubilee home in the middle of a group date.
In the wise words of King George III*, “I wasn’t aware that was something a person could do.” Granted, this is the first season of The Bachelor I’ve watched since I’ve surpassed puberty, and Ben is the Bachelor, so I imagine he can do whatever he wants (as long as production agrees).
12. I thought the drama for the evening had to be coming to a close but no… When Ben gave Olivia the group date rose, I literally wanted to pull my hair out.
Seriously, Ben??? You just might be the only person on this planet earth who still believes Olivia to be a good person! Figure out what the whole world knows already!!
13. I thought surely things would calm down after the group date, but Olivia just seems to rile me up. When she claimed, “You don’t have to say congrats,” my blood started to boil.
Since you’re a news anchor, Olivia, I have some news for you: NO ONE WANTED TO CONGRATULATE YOU.
14. Thankfully, Lauren H. was a saving grace this episode. Watching her one-on-one date was like a breath of fresh air.
Seriously, though. I absolutely adored watching Lauren H.’s date. She seemed genuinely excited and happy to be where she was, she definitely does not carry the psycho tendencies that some of her competition does, and she made Ben really happy. She rose straight to the top of my rankings. Good for you, Lauren H. You go, Lauren H.
15. But then after Lauren H.’s date, I had to prepare myself for the Rose Ceremony.
I mentally psyched myself up for all the drama that would hopefully go down at the Rose Ceremony, and thankfully, it did.
16. I had a few choice words for Olivia when the other girls were admitting their nerves for the evening and Olivia so blatantly rubbed the fact she already had a rose in their faces.
Olivia, we all know you somehow weaseled your way into Ben’s heart and managed to get the group date rose. Don’t rub it in our faces! And PLEASE don’t ever wave the rose in front of you face and pretend you’re smelling Ben ever again. Just stop. For my sanity. I’m begging.
17. My dislike towards Olivia began to rise and rise, but nothing could trump the anger I felt when she blatantly told Amanda her life was like an episode of Teen Mom.
Seriously, Olivia? How tacky do you have to be? That was a low blow even for you, and if you had any supporters left, I’m sure you drove them away with that comment.
18. Thankfully, some good came from Olivia’s awful comment. The girls started telling Ben how evil Olivia truly is, and I was so proud.
Then Ben turned into Investigator Ben, trying to get to the bottom of conflicting information.
19. When Ben asked to talk to Olivia, I was praying he would take her rose away.
Could he do that? IDK but I sure was hoping he could.
20. But then, the worst thing that could have ever happened. The screen went black, and “TO BE CONTINUED” flashed by.
Are you kidding me? To be continued? I cannot live a full week without knowing what goes down at the Mexico City Rose Ceremony! I did not sit through two hours of insane drama to be left with a cliff hanger!! My fragile heart cannot handle such things! But, hey, at least I was promised another drama-filled episode next week.
So, in conclusion, my Monday night was productively spent freaking out over the shenanigans of girls who think it’s a good idea to compete for love. I cringe just thinking about the time I waste watching The Bachelor, but I know I’ll be back watching every week until a winner is announced. I really truly need that weekly dose of drama in my life.
*Of Hamilton: An American Musical fame. Not the real King George III.